The Peak Condition Project - Elena

Ready, Set...GO!

2010-09-01T04:36:00.001-07:00

I too want the COMPLETE stamp!

so despite wanting to put it off for longer, here's my end-all-be-all pcp post (no pressure, or anything!):

Ok, I don't know how to organize this post! But I'm taking Tara's cue and I'm going to at least start with some fundamental lessons learned/pcp topics:

The Bod

Starting off with the "core" of PCP, some info on what happened to my body these 90 days. I know you want to see it, so let's start with the tell-all visuals:

PCP Day 1 Photos:

PCP Day 90 Photos:

So obviously I'm pleased, heeheehee!

I feel light and upright and I no longer worry about backfat rolls or any rolls at all. Every part of my body has taken on some lovely new shape, and while my genetics aren't very kind when it comes to having any semblance of butt, at least it's a bit rounder and not square! (haha! seriously, it was square before. so weird!)

Ok, getting serious. What's amazing about this new body is yes, it looks good, but really to the touch it's even more drastic. There is serious muscle under my skin now, and I still can't get over how different it feels to put my hand on my waist - instead of fatty fat layers I have this super strong core. It's comforting, and pretty thrilling. I'd still like to lower my body fat % a bit to be able to see the muscles a bit more, but I'm not going to stress it. One thing I've really learned is to connect with how my body feels, and if i'm happy with that then i don't care what size clothing i'm wearing or what any scale says.

In short, I always knew there was a rocking body within me, and it's awesome to see it for myself and get to show it off a bit to others!

Ok, moving on - but don't worry, there are more pictures to reward you at the end of this post!

Cooking

So in the beginning of PCP I thought that this would be 90 days of boring, non-cooking cooking. I even had this whole long post where I said goodbye to kitchen things I thought I wouldn't be using (a photo tribute to my kitchen). But what I discovered was a deeper, more astute way of cooking than before. I hardly consulted any recipes, and let my creativity and basic skills take over. And, if you've been reading this blog, you've seen that I ate a ton of delicious stuff this summer! It helped to have some basic skills mastered, so that I didn't have to just steam everything or use only one method, and then i could focus on getting fresh food that looked good, cooking it in the best way to highlight its natural flavors, and then devouring it!

Also, I used a ton of spices (thank you Talia, for the Israeli spices!!) and I think my next kitchen project is going to be to make my own signature spice mixes. Fun!

Sleep

Now this is the part of PCP training where I don't think I did very well. I have a crazy job, and I try to have some human interaction, and I like to read and relax, and while I tried to prioritize sleep this summer I often failed at getting as much as I need to. This is an ongoing struggle, and one I'm really not sure how to master with my current NYC lifestyle, but I'm working on it.

(Check out my crazy rant on the topic, to see details.) The basic takeaway is, however, that sleep is an integral part of being at peak. Not only does it help muscles grow and build and rest so that they can achieve full potential, for me it directly effects my tendency to overindulge, to self-hate, and to turn into a very negative, masochistic version of myself (aka Schlump Girl).

So anyway, must sleep more.

Social Life

PCP and the NYC social scene are not natural bedmates. During this summer I spent more weekend nights at home alone than I'd like to admit, but I feel okay about that. This was a time to commune with myself, a self-indulgent time, and it's hard to do that and be out socializing all the time. Not to mention, the food/drink focus of most socializing was a challenge that i never quite conquered. This will be part of the balance I try to strike now that the project is over, and one good thing is that now a night out lasts me a week or two, since I'm used to staying in. So, I guess meals and drinks and late nights should all be done in moderation like everything else.

Luckily, I've become very comfortable with getting seltzer at a bar and not thinking twice about it. I think some friends see me as a downer because I go home earlier than everyone else, but when you're not drunk and everyone else is it's just not that fun to keep the party going for hours and hours. If I'm a sexy, healthy, strong downer I can deal with that label :-)

Some little secret pcp side-effects:

No processed/packaged foods = beautiful skin. I completely stopped using any facial products other than a light spf moisturizer and I have had the clearest skin these 3 months in my whole life. It's amazing! If you want to save money on those nonsense products, quit the industrial food machine. That's been a big revelation.
Clean, easy bowel movements: you too can enjoy these by eating only fresh, real food. I won't elaborate, but it's pretty fantastic. (haha!)
Any money saved from not eating out or drinking will probably be spent on clothes or accessories. And that's great! I never put much stock in what I wore, before PCP, but now I see (and feel) the importance of looking great and presenting a strong, healthy, put-together self in front of the world. During this project I have upped the anty on looking a bit more professional at work, and I think it's paid off in my interactions with people and my success. It might sound vain, but it is a physical representation of deeper confidence and strength and it's awesome.
Once I learned to shut up a bit about the project (I didn't fully learn this, but I'm working on it), I got great satisfaction out of knowing all that I know about health and strength and letting my body speak for itself. As a person who has a tendency to be on "a high horse" (as my mom likes to point out), this is a good lesson to continue to learn!
There are definitely dozens more of these little anecdotes, but I've got to cut this list off. Read all my blog posts to find them - they're all in there!

Demons & Heroes

Finally, PCP revealed to me that I am my own demon and my own hero. The narrative of Schlump Girl vs. The Pink Lady will continue, undoubtedly, throughout my life, but now I have a fantastic framework with which to deal with these two and help TPL come out on top more often than not. Understanding what makes Schlump Girl tick, and having this great visual of The Pink Lady are hugely helpful tools for moving forward from the unhealthy pre-pcp cycle that these two had me spinning in, before. Here's a final tribute to The Pink Lady (her signature pose), that I took on Day 90:

So, I think I've got to end with that, no?

I have all the gratitude in the world for you people out there - my real life family & friends, Patrick and Chen for being the best gurus I could've possibly found, the universe for aligning at the perfect time to get me on this program, and Team SEXAAAY. Oh, Team SEXAAAY what will I do without your amazing support, fantastic personalities, hilarious anecdotes? Well, I'm moving you all into 'real life friend' category (and maybe even into the family sector, since you have felt like this wonderful kind of family all summer). I cried on day 90, thinking about how I won't hear from you all as often, but I will be thinking of you all, all the time. I'm so glad we've supported each other through this process, and know that I'm sending my regards to you around the globe every time you cross my mind.

I heard recently a quote that applies to PCP: When you set out to help yourself, you end up helping others.

I think that's what happens with this program, in many more ways than one, and it's a touching, deeply transformative process - both the helping yourself and the helping of others. If you're reading this and you're thinking about trying the PCP, just do it. 90 days will fly by, do you want to emerge as Schlump Girl or The Pink Lady? You know which one I chose.

(those are some coveted small jeans I've never really been able to fit into... until now!)

Tag! YOU'RE IT!

Day 90, HOLY SHIIIIZ! Woot wooooot!

2010-08-29T08:01:00.000-07:00

Ok ok so I want to take a couple days to reflect and organize my thoughts for my final post (also, this way I can extend the final goodbye a little bit!), but for now know this:

I'm so happy to have gone thru this process. When we began this project, 90 days ago, I remember my final decision making thought was something like, 90 days is going to fly by either way, so either I'm ripped and healthy at the end, or I'm schlubby and unsatisfied. The prediction was true - this summer FLEW by, and here we are, in our new avatar-like bodies, armed with an incredible wealth of knowledge and self-awareness to help us sift thru the nonsense out there in the real world, and possessing a sense of purpose and willpower that many people never tap into.

This is a little saccharine, but I'm still going to share...

Here's the image I'm meditating on today, day 90: Team SEXAAAY all standing side-by-side (in swimsuits, to show off our bods!) on the edge of a big lake; we're all holding hands, feeling nervous and excited and we can't help but break into smiles every few moments. Then, from the background (hidden in the woods somewhere, haha) comes Patrick's voice, shouting, GO! YOU'RE FREE!

We take one last long look at each other, smiling, and have a good hand squeeze. Then we each reel back and take our own running jump into the abyss.

Day 89, Secret Agent Mission

2010-08-28T14:14:00.001-07:00

I finally made it to a gym for this week's assignment (to look at what's happening at the gym, what the people look like, what the deal is in comparison to how we've trained these past 90 days). To start, let me just say that I had a lot of fun with this assignment. I've always said that if my family was tragically killed or something I would toss in my lot with spies or CIA or whatever, and become a trained killer machine, fighting for American ideals or somesuch nonsense. Part of why I chose Jennifer Garner for the image bar up there is because I think she's so badass in Alias, and I saw SALT a few weeks ago and it was so fun! Anyway, this little trip to the gym was as close as I'm getting to a real life spy mission, so I had fun.

Ok, here's my report!

Gym: Crunch

Today being the first day I've had time to do this, I went at a weird time - 2pm on one of the most beautiful Saturdays NYC has seen in a while. So, the gym was pretty empty. BUT, I realized that the people there are probably your classic 'gym rats', since they're opting to be inside working out instead of outside enjoying the pleasant temp and sun.

So I had to go thru the whole process of pretending that I want to look around and potentially join, which turned out to be really funny. The poor guy who showed me around was very confused (more on why), and I almost wanted to tell him about the whole ruse by the end, but then I thought better of it.

He started by asking me what I currently do for fitness. This was funny, and I decided to act totally nonchalant about it. My answer: "oh, well I workout at home, alone." That kind of threw him, and of course he wanted to know more. Second answer: "well, I jumprope and I use my own body weight and resistance bands to do strength stuff. [shrug]" At this point he was obviously perplexed by me. He then asked how it was going for me. I shrugged again, but then flashed him a big bicep flex and I think the man almost fell off his chair. HAAAAHAHAH! I wanted to laugh and then bounce out of my clothes in the Pink Lady bikini and be all like "SUCKERS! GET OUT OF THIS GYM!"

But instead I just smiled.

So then we went on the tour! This is where i had to tell more lies (lies! lies! lies!) and say I was interested in using the elliptical (a machine that, as far as I can tell, seems to work people on it as hard as napping does), and spin classes, and all kinds of things that I never want to think about anymore. This is where I got to check people out though. Now I will say that there was one woman who was in serious shape. She had super low body fat % and was just ripped. BUT, I wouldn't say she was in peak condition - she was sprinting on this treadmill, looking at 6 different flat screens, listening to music, all on this gorgeous day when running outside would be easy (not too hot). Far from peak, little muscle woman was, in this respect at least.

Other than that, no one else looked great. Lots of flabby mid-sections, not much sweating. This morning during the PCP workout (which, ahem, KILLED ME), I made an extra point of looking at myself tortured with pain during the shoulder exercises. When I'm struggling with the damn DaVinci's I almost look like a different person because i'm making crazy faces and squealing. No one at that gym was even close to failing at anything, I can tell you purely from their relaxed faces and lack of discomfort.

So we tour, it's fine, the bathroom/locker room is gross. I did like that the place was filled with light, and has big windows, so that was nice. but that's about all. He told me about all the classes they have, which actually did sound like fun classes, but I'd rather play sports as a fun active thing, not go to a gym to take a class (though a dancing series is the exception to this!).

Through the whole tour he kept asking me things, and I would reveal little PCPisms but in such a chill way that he continued to be impressed and confused. I think the guy gave me 10 fist-pumps during the tour, I noticed that he wanted to give one for every time I said a PCPism. yet, here he was trying to sell me on a place where many PCP habits can't be practiced effectively. funny!

On top of all that, we then sat down and he revealed to me that they also have...PARTIES. To which I immediately wanted to know more. What kind of parties? and, of course, what's served at these parties at the GYM???

So every month they have a party (the whole gym was very scene-y, so I'm thinking the party is a way to hook up with the people you've been making eyes at over the staff-infection-infested rowing machine), and at this party they serve "all kinds of appetizers" and "tons of liquor/booze". I raised my eyebrows to this, at which point he just kind of nervously laughed.

Now, there was 1 cool thing about this gym:

they have a live DJ spinning in the workout area on Tuesdays! I like this because it's hard for me to stay on top of music choices, and as we've recently learned, the right music helps pump up the workout.

And, it wasn't a terrible place or anything - people were nice and I remembered how good it feels to join a new gym and have that sense of promise and optimism about your goals. But, inherently, the whole place got in the way of helping people to get fit - the main thing the place at least SAYS it's there for. So, that's the ultimate fail I suppose.

won't be joining Crunch anytime soon.

However, I did used to love going to the YMCA. I would swim there with a friend of mine and we were true regulars in the pool - we had fun and got to know SO many characters, and we stayed relatively healthy. I think the Y is a different place though - there are so many kids and families, and it's a community space as much as a gym, and that's what it's trying to be. It still has the flaws I saw at Crunch, but I can respect a place like the YMCA in a way that i could not at all respect this thinly veiled nightclub called Crunch.

At the end of my little meeting with the sales guy, he said something like, "well, you seem like you're in pretty good shape already, so you'd be great here," and I wanted to say "you have no idea, so no thank you CRUNCH!"

But I did one final shrug, just to continue confusing the man, and I thanked him for his time.

what a fun mission!

what a strange place I discovered.

Soooo, then I moseyed down to the beloved food coop and reflected on the other pcp component - our new way of eating. I filled my basket with fruits, veggies, trying to find new fruits and veggies for this week - so fun! I got two new grains to try - amarynth and red quinoa! and I got these post-pcp treats:

I felt so happy and healthy and excited at the fact that, when I thought of getting some stuff for after day 90 that I wouldn't have bought before, I didn't reach for ice cream or packaged chips or candy or anything like that. Instead, I got all weak in the knees for delicious dates, dried unsweetened cherries, dried figs and garam masala cashews. Y-U-M! These are mini indulgences that I'm glad to start having back in my life. They're not unlawful (definition here), but they're still treats, and I'm really glad to move forward with this kind of thinking.

Plus, I still also got all this stuff:

YUUUUUUMMMM. I will always be eating these types of foods from now on!

and then I made these for lunch:

Such a great pcp lunch! and I swear, all that food equates to 150g carbs, 120g protein and as many veggies as I want! These little sandwiches were so tasty!

Day 89 Mini Sammies

6 slices whole wheat bread (small oblong loaf)

1/2 avocado, distributed onto all the slices and spread

spoonful of sauteed peppers and onions onto each bread

1/2 large tomato, cut up with a slice for each bread

Chicken sauteed/poached with onions, garlic, spices

Smash each mini sammie together and consume!

Oh, and on the side I broiled a portobello mushroom and spooned some of the onions and garlic on top.

still full, and veeeery satisfied!

p.s. The workout today was insane! I was a maniac with crazy grunts and sighs and whines, but I got thru it. planks with the arms wide are way harder! v-sits without touching legs back to the floor are way harder! no rest b/w sets are way harder! but it all felt great, in that painful inexplicable way...

Day 88, Daze Days

2010-08-27T23:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I can't believe that we're this close to the end.

I once ran a marathon. That was a different health/fitness time in my life - an interesting one, and a good one, but not one I'll be revisiting again as I move forward after this project. There are many mental strengths I developed during the training for that marathon, however, and I draw from them all the time. Right now, these final days on our PCP, I feel the way I did about 100 yards from the finish line of that marathon. The thought that went thru my mind when I could actually SEE the finish: Wow, I did this. I did it! The finish is RIGHT THERE! I could get shot now, maybe even twice, and STILL I'd make it to that line. WOOOHOOOOO!

Then, I crossed the line and burst into tears.

That's kind of how I feel now, as day 88 comes to a close. I'm thrilled to have done this project, I'm so thankful that a friend just happened to mention it at a time when I was looking for just this kind of thing (thank you Jane!!!), and I am shocked that it's already coming to a close. I want to hoot and holler and celebrate... but I also want to burst into tears.

The cool difference, I suppose, is that I feel energized and not exhausted. And, I know that the last thing you have to do to be lean and healthy is train like a maniac and then pound your body into pavement for 26.2 miles (though there are many benefits to running, I know and understand most of them!). So I'm all empowered and filled with knowledge and experience to keep on the peak path, but I'm so sad to graduate from this 'boot camp' so to speak, and move on without the daily touchstones that come with this project (emails from patrick, and all the incredible Team SEXAAAY blogs).

I'm sappy tonight. But change is good! Pain is good!

p.s. one thing I'm forever thankful to PCP for: the advent of my 2% milk love affair. just had a glass. mmm mmm goooood.

Day 86, Hey-Yoooo!

2010-08-25T05:38:00.000-07:00

1st Plank today: 2 min, 46 seconds

WOOT WOOOOOT!!!

(of course the subsequent 4 were total shit-shows, but I was excited about #1!)

Day 85, Pink Lady vs. Schlump Girl - an interesting truce

2010-08-23T18:21:00.000-07:00

Ok ok ok so I'm going to use the words "unlawful" and "indulgence" in this post.

I'm just preparing you all for that. But don't freak out and call this round for Schlump Girl just yet - The Pink Lady has triumphed in a new way tonight, people! Read on to find out how!

Before a full report, I want to offer up some 'then' and 'now' definitions to those words.

Pre-PCP "Unlawful" = nothing. Nothing's unlawful, because I can eat and drink anything I want, anytime! I run and do pilates and ride my bike for transportation, I deserve to eat delicious things all the time!

Post-PCP "Unlawful" = food that does not make me feel good, physically and/or mentally/emotionally.

Pre-PCP "Indulgence" = lunch. dinner. snack. daily beer. full full stomach. every meal.

Post-PCP "Indulgence" = something delicious and extravagant that I would only eat or drink once a month or so. does not at all equate to quantity, rather this is all about quality, decadent foodstuffs.

So I've learned many things during this project, and rather than save them all for one post i'll probably wax poetic throughout the week as they come to me. Today's lesson is about unlawful things, and about indulgences.

In my previous life (before THE PROJECT) I had unlawful food snacks all the time. Mostly they were tied to my emotional state (fueled mainly by tiredness and boredom and anxiety); my office is a minefield of unlawful snacks, if I'm looking for them, so I could easily be constantly snacking on terrible, non-food junk all day and still think I was a healthy person who ate quality meals. What these unlawful, non-food junk items do (to me, at least) is whittle away at a crater of dissatisfaction. Each bite leaves me searching for something that will outdo that last taste, so I'd mindlessly hunt around for something saltier, sweeter, crunchier, smoother. Naturally, when I'd start down that path, nothing would quite ever hit the mark.

Now stepping away from the dark world of Schlump Girl, we have the idea of the indulgence. What a wonderful word that is - INDULGENCE. It's so luxurious and filled with promise, but the key thing for me at least is that it's a fancy word. A gross pita chip can't be part of a true indulgence! A black truffle is an indulgence; fresh salted butter from a local farm is an indulgence; cheese, beer, wine, chocolate - these are indulgences. An indulgence can't happen every day, or even every week, because the essence of indulgence implies being somewhat of a rarity in and of itself.

Over the past week or two I've inched back into unlawful snacky land (aka Schlump Girl's playland). Little bites here and there have turned into too many, especially this past week --after my failed indulgence #3. Today, I noticed the problem growing a bit too much for my svelte PCP self to condone. What's the deal? I'm not even tired today! I'm not bored! I'm not even really anxious (though I kind of am). So, why did I eat 10 of those gross non-food "honey wheat pretzels" that probably have no honey or wheat in the ingredient list? Why did I go back for 5 more??

I confronted the inner, rebellious adolescent, who was obviously doing this to be stubborn and resentful from something.

What's the deal Schlump Girl? What's your beef this time? Your regular conditions don't exist today, so tell me what bee got up your uglyass bonnet?

Answer: Waaah! Woe is me! I didn't have a good final indulgence! it's not fair! i work so hard and weigh all the stupid grams and have no life or relationship except for the one with my dishpan and my iron skillet! i deserve SOMETHING!

Ahhhhh, I see what you're doing, Schlumpy! You're so transparent. And for the record, you DO deserve something - but something more than 15 honey wheat pretzels. I'm just saying...

So here's the big reveal: the indulgences are important. REALLY important. I get it now. They offer these respites from being so gosh darn responsible and healthy, and yet they are both responsible and healthy, because we don't need a break from that, we just need a little acknowledgment of the hard work. A nod from the other side that signals, hey - enjoy this. it won't derail your efforts and the memory of it'll keep you going thru a couple weeks of more simple, yet still satisfying foods.

When I landed on this conclusion today, it was as if Schlump Girl had worked herself into this whole fit, and here came The Pink Lady, all comfort and rationale. No fighting between these two today, just some understanding and compromise. Now, you could call this whole thing a wonderful rationalization for me to gorge myself on unlawful foods, but I feel really peaceful and aware of something new with all of this.

Once I decided on the fact that what I just needed to do was NOT slip down this consistently-caving slope, but rather decide on a really satisfying indulgence and mindfully have it, I felt much better. I thought about what to have.

Pizza?

Falafel?

Some tapas from local restaurant?

Mexican? (NOOOO!)

Here's the funny part: what did I want? did I want to go out? to have "fancy" restaurant food? Nope, I wanted to cook something for myself. I didn't want to go out and have something be needlessly greasy or salty or sweet. I wanted to make something decadent that I knew would be delicious.

So I bought the ingredients for a carbonara twist, came home, and whipped up this:

O.M.G.

It was, without a doubt, the most glorious thing I've made since 2009. Seriously. I had so much fun making something other than veg-protein-carb, and it was indulgent to not think about how many meals this would last me or how many grams i'd get out of it. It was cooking-to-relax, which is something that I used to do fairly often but I've not been able to have that mindset about cooking these past months, due to PCP planning and time constraint issues. It was so relaxing, so ZEN to just make this singular dish for this singular taste-focused meal (a new cuisine? Zen Indulgence cooking!!).

Make it for your next indulgence. Please do. PLEASE. You'll be so happy. Here's all you need:

Elena's Mindful Indulgence Carbonara Twist*

*The twist refers to a liberal swapping of cheeses, pasta shapes and pork cuts used by my ancestors. Some might slap me for still calling this a carbonara, but at least I'm not a heathen who adds cream!

Ingredients:

a couple handfuls of Pasta of your choice (a penne-like shape works best, in my opinion)
1 TB high-quality olive oil
1 large garlic clove
2 fresh sage leaves
sprinkle of red pepper flakes
thin slice of pancetta or 1 slice bacon
1 oz hard swiss cheese of your choice (get wild with this! sometimes I go with a standard gruyere, but today i tried Montagne de Jura and it was divine. just make sure it's a good melting cheese, with a nutty, swiss-essence taste.)
1/2 oz pecorino of your choice (standard version: romano, but today I got this Bianco Sardo and it was craaaaaazy good)
1 egg, as fresh as possible

Method:

Boil large pot of water (unsalted!) for the pasta; in meantime, heat olive oil in an iron skillet.
Mince garlic and pancetta, set aside.
Once oil is warm, add garlic and the whole sage leaves and heat on low for a few minutes, moving the leaves around with a wooden spoon. After a few minutes take the leaves out and discard.
Sprinkle red pepper flakes into the pan, to toast (not too many! you only want a hint of heat in this dish or else the other delicate flavors will be tragically masked!).
Add pancetta and continue to heat on low/medium so that pancetta firms up and the garlic starts to brown. Stir occasionally as you wait for the pasta to cook.
In meantime, once the water boils pour pasta in and reduce heat to a rapid simmer/almost boil. Stir! Be sure it doesn't stick, but don't bother the pasta too much! Taste it to be sure you take it out 30 seconds before it's perfectly al dente. Preserve a small cup of the pasta cooking liquid - you may need this, though I never use it. But better safe than to see it all disappear down the drain when you needed it...
Crack the egg into your serving dish!

The next steps should be done with a quick hand:

Spoon the drained pasta onto the egg and pour the pancetta/oil/pepper/garlic mixture over the pasta & egg (if some of the garlic has browned too much, try to get that out with a spoon first).
Grate the swiss cheese over the pasta as well.
Using tongs or two forks, quickly toss all this delicious stuff! Mix the raw egg with the hot pasta and hot oil and the cheese and it won't scramble, but will turn into a most delicious, wonderful sauce. (If for some reason it's not wet enough, now's the time to splash in that pasta cooking liquid you smartly saved.)

To finish, grate the pecorino on top, sprinkle with freshly grated pepper, and ENJOY YOUR INDULGENCE!

A warning: after consuming bowl of indulgent extravagance, you might look like this:

Next step:

Wake up the next morning, do your jumping, and enjoy eating your clean diet foods. Meditate on the physical and emotional purity of this indulgence! Be happy that you can relish life's pleasures and still look SEXAAAY.

that's all.

oh, and p.s. no bathroom disaster aftereffects! BONUS!

Day 83, phew

2010-08-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally got some rest. Thank the heavens!!!!

Friday night I slept 9 hours and last night i slept another 9.5 hours. I needed that so so so much!

And the good thing is that it wasn't nuts like last Friday when I slept 11 hours - it's enough that hopefully I'll be able to hit the hay early again tonight and have a week of 8 hour sleep nights (this is my last week PCP goal!).

So, I didn't realize it'd been so long since I last blogged! sometimes when i read and comment on everyone else's blogs I forget to write my own. Well, here I am anyway, blogging it out!

A few quick anecdotes and then I'll post again later today (with my notes from Patrick's latest assignment!).

1: ABS.

I can't believe it but the long planks the other day didn't kill me! It helped that we had one less set than last week (I'm taking Tara's cue and being vague on how long and how many planks, so as not to frighten those earlier on in the program). They are hard, don't get me wrong, but they also really tap into my badass feeling, so I kind of like them in a weird way.

Also, love the kung fu sit-ups! hanging like that makes me feel like I'm a kid, and i really love it. Most times when we have them I'm smiling all the way thru! I was thinking about how strange this is when i remembered a funny memory (this is the second flashback that PCP has stirred up, which I haven't thought about in decades). When I was little (like, 8 years old little) my dad and I would walk thru this little park between the subway and our apartment. there was a playground, and it had jungle gym type things, including the ladder bars, you know? picture a ladder, now put it horizontal and about 4 ft. off the ground. oh! I think this is called MONKEY BARS.

So at some point I got it into my head that my goal was going to be to make it from one end of the monkey bars to the other. I was not a small child (let's just say that food has always been a problem for me - or, better put, a great passion of mine!). Anyway, I dedicated myself to this goal for weeks. everyday I'd make him stop so I could practice, and eventually I did do it.

it was like a precursor for my dedication to PCP! haha!

But odd, right? for an 8 year old to decide on this random fitness goal, and then to benchmark it every day. i think my dad was bewildered, or maybe too tired to really notice how strange it was. i'll have to ask him what he thought of the whole thing!

ok, off to walk with a friend. more anecdotes later. happy sunday to all you PCP lovies! I don't know about you, but I just finished my morning milk and i'm feeling goooooood.

Day 79, Comfort food (a new perspective)

2010-08-18T18:55:00.000-07:00

This is my new idea of comfort food:

it might not look like much to you, but that right there is a FULL fridge!

Totally full! I've got apples, plums, peaches, squash, kale, herbs, eggs (more eggs), milk, watercress, beet greens, a ton of eggplant caponata (low-oil version i've been making), roasted beets, peppers, avocado, yogurt, chicken poached in lemon juice with scallions and yummy israeli spices, quinoa!

In my previous life, I was a regular cook, but i didn't eat nearly the majority of my meals at home, so i'd cook one dish each week, on average. this made for a full condiment shelf and pantry, but a pretty sad fridge (i live alone, so that heightens the situation). Whenever my cousin Dominique comes to visit, or when my sister comes over, they each open the fridge and laugh (well my sister - who lives at home and has a full family fridge - laughs, Dominique - who's married and cooks a lot- is more shocked, I think). Anyway, I wish they could both see me now.

And back to the comfort food thing. I have to say, it gives me SO much comfort, opening the fridge to this bounty of amazing, colorful, delicious, good-for-me food options. When I go overboard buying fruit it does make me overdo it on the fruit consumption a bit, but who cares! Not me! Eating fruit has never been the root of my problem!

Ok going to bed now. Making all that comfort food is fracking exhausting. Plus, workouts this week are kill kill killER! I put MIA on for the 5th set of plank though, and it helped exponentially. I think that, for these incredibly hard planks, the more you can listen to music that makes you feel like a hardcore badass, the better!!

Day 78, New Pictures and 2 pcp wins

2010-08-17T20:35:00.000-07:00

first off, i totally forgot to take the pictures last week! damn! i am so annoyed! especially because i was feeling so schlumpy, it would be nice to compare what i actually looked like to today. ah well, we can just think back on that blurry picture of SCHLUMP GIRL and imagine some of that entering the picture...

anyway, new pictures for day 78! woop woop! i think the changes are subtle at this point but i feel pretty happy about them. my abs are noticeable, esp in the angled shot! and i included one shot that finally shows the powerhouses that my legs have become. the legs have doubled their muscle, methinks. today was particularly rough, with jumping, the pistol squats, a bazillion floor jumps, and then after work i had a meeting up in the bronx and since it was such a lovely night i decided to ride back to Brooklyn from there. Then when i was mere mile or so from home i ran into a friend and rode with him a bit out of my way to go watch some of Splash out by the waterfront.

Anyway, legs are mucho tired right now.

oh! but the reason i'm posting! in the shower i thought of 2 things that i don't want to forget to blog about:

1. my skin is SO clear and consistent! about 30 days into pcp i actually stopped using special face wash or cream, as a little experiment, to see if skin is effected more by what we ingest than what we put on it. low and behold, my skin is really clear now with hardly any breakouts!

i do have this weird gizmo my godmother gave me which is helpful though - it's called the Clarisonic. i think it's uber expensive but it's basically a sonicare toothbrush for your face. i know, i know, this from a lady with no tv, no plug-in coffee maker, a general lack of modern day appliances. but man, this face toothbrush thing helps stimulate the pores!

moving on...

2. posture is so incredibly different it still surprises me!!! i think before i always thought that people with good posture were just super mindful of it. now i realize that they just have strong muscles! it's really amazing, for the first time i don't have to think about sitting or standing up straight, or remind myself or chastise myself. instead, it happens naturally! imagine!

ok that's all. so tired!

p.s. had the best glass of milk when i got home 2nite. my god it was so good.

Final Indulgence: Ultimate Fail!

2010-08-15T18:56:00.000-07:00

In Jenny's post about her final indulgence she mentioned she thought at one point she might explode. Well, to put it as succinctly as possible: I exploded. (not in a good way...)

ok backing up.

So I had planned to have my indulgence Saturday night with my old friend from college. The plan was: picnic with wine and cheese, then off to favorite neighborhood restaurant where I'd have some yummy calamari and maybe meat and little yummy tastes (the place is like gourmet American tapas). I was looking forward to this!

Instead:

we did have wine and cheese picnic - that was lovely and fun!

but then on our way to favorite neighborhood restaurant we ran into some people my friend knew. They invited us to join them for a drink at this [totally awful] Tex-Mex restaurant. So, being nice and up for anything, we did. :-(

then everyone ordered food and I realized that the neighborhood restaurant plan was over. In hindsight I don't know why I didn't just order something non-indulgent (if there is such a thing at a Tex-Mex place) and pocket the second half of my indulgence for post-PCP.

Instead, I ate a lot of the [really not very good] tortilla chips, 1 pork soft taco (bland and greasy), a few bites of rice and beans (greasy), and 2 beef fajitas (beef & veggies SWIMMING in oil). UGGGGG. It wasn't even good! And, I had sangria which was way too sweet and also not good! I suppose I half did it all because I was hanging out with people I didn't know, and I was trying to salvage the indulgence and enjoy it. To top it off, after we parted ways, my friend and I went to go get small dishes of ice cream (and luckily I had enough sense to get a small dish).

I was SO full though, and not very satisfied.

So then we get home and chat and eventually go to bed.

...a couple hours later I wake up after strange, fitful, haunting dreams to find myself sweating, feeling nauseous and very disoriented. Finally I drag myself to the bathroom where, let's just say, I was unsure (and prepared) for my entire indulgence to explode out of any/all orifices...

And it did.

oh god it was terrible! i was so sick! worst stomach cramping ever, and boy did I purge. all I wanted to do was say OH GOD! and moan loudly, but to top it off I was trying to keep quiet so as not to gross out friend.

Eventually I shuffled out of the bathroom and made it back to bed, for a few more hours of terrible sleep and nausea/sweating. SO GROSS!

i kind of can't believe it, but somehow I did the workout today. not first thing, mind you, but I got it done, and I even went climbing. I also ate some unlawful peanut butter and carbs to calm things down a bit with my stomach this evening. ugh.

on the bright side, I suppose it was good not to fully ingest all that nasty food non-food crap. on the dark side, I wish I could've had a more enjoyable indulgence. But, last weekend I did indulge, and it wasn't caving, it was planned and it was fun and I felt good about it. So, that was my true final indulgence, I suppose.

The interesting thing is that I do think I had a bit of a hangover today, and it did cause me to have more carbs and the peanut butter. i kind of forgot that - even slight hangovers always cause me to eat badly and eat a lot the next day. as I look toward the future of not drinking much, I'm happy to take this post-drinking day of unlawful eating out of the equation.

so there you have it. bum-er.

onwardsssss.

almost Day 75, challenging day with a reward!

2010-08-13T19:08:00.001-07:00

gotta write quickly because i need to hit the sack!

i have to work tomorrow, super early, leading a bike ride from Queens to an awesome car-free NYC event, Summer Streets! Must depart BK homestead at 7am, which means a 5am wakeup to do the workout and have breakfast and a little calm coffee time before the storm. At first I thought, NO WAY! I CAN'T DOOO ITTTTT! (whiney voice)

But then i thought of Tara and how she gets up at some crazy time (4am?!) on the days when she works at the radio station, and I just accepted it.

Usually I could just wait until later to do the workout, but I'm very happy to say that the final lady of the college ladies is coming for a solo visit tomorrow afternoon! (she wasn't able to make it to ladies weekend at Chez Paradise, boo.) So, I certainly won't want to miss time with her to do the workout!

Anyway, her visit coincides perfectly with our 3rd indulgence (which, Patrick tells me, is MANDATORY, regardless of my cavings these past few weeks). Right away I was thrilled because, while I mostly haven't been drinking on the PCP I have been collecting some wines for the future, and there is a bottle I'd love to savor with my friend! So, we'll do that. Then I was thinking about going out to eat, and enjoying something, but I kept thinking of my old favorite places and I know the tastes aren't going to satisfy me in the same way - i don't even want to try it out. What I DO know is that I have oh so missed visiting my cheese shop (the shopping for cheese and talking about it more than the eating, even!). So, we will go buy some real gems and have a little wine and cheese picnic!

Then I guess we could go eat a light dinner at one of those old favorites just to double check my prediction. But I kind of also just want to cook at my place! Maybe I will cook but it will be in an indulgent way. I don't know, we'll see.

The point is, it's the perfect time to enjoy this final indulgence and then hanker down for final 2 weeks.

OH! SNACK ATTACK! One final thing! Question for you, Patrick: can I pop my own popcorn from kernels, sprinkling only spices and maybe like 1 tsp of grated parmesan cheese, and allow that as an occasional treat/snack???

p.s. i heart 2% milk so much, it's getting ridiculous.

Day 73, kung fu sit-ups: hello!

2010-08-12T18:56:00.000-07:00

So I think I mentioned that I couldn't do the kung fu sit-ups at Chez Paradise. Even with all that cool stuff, nowhere to hang! (climbing wall wasn't good for extended hanging and the leg motion.)

Anyway, back in action with them today.

whoa.

I do my workout at 7am.

Around 1pm today I got up or moved or something, and I thought, what's this? are my abs sore?!?

FF to 2pm and yikes, sore. continued throughout the day. felt great! happy to be back with my beloved pull-up bar, that's for sure!

Also, scale update: 2 pounds up, as predicted! yes sir, it's true. but, now i've had 2 stellar pcp regular days and i was over the number before i even saw it. It's just like Patrick's recent blog post: I'm seeing the results of my carefree moments from the past couple of weeks now BUT I'm already mentally and physically back to the clean clean clean PCP training, so nowhere to go but up. --er, or, down, actually, i guess (scale-wise). Anyway, moving on, moving forward.

i'm EXHAUSTED today. i think i might do the workouts harder in my own apt. I guess because everything is set-up right and there's no running around grabbing the extra whatsit? anyway, feel more fatigued today. going to floss and beddy bye now...yawn. i heart pcp. goodnight lovies!

Day 72, back to reality

2010-08-11T14:40:00.000-07:00

Ok I'm going to prepare you all (and by "you all" I mostly mean myself) for something here.

For the past few days I've been carrying this scary fear around. what fear? weight gain!

now I'm not as far gone as Royce, who looks H-O-T but has taken to calling himself an obese man (Royce, I'm going to send THE PINK LADY up there to fight your demons if you don't post again soon!), but having no scale at Chez Paradise and only stretchy clothes for this past week makes me a little nervous.

an analysis of why I feel this trepidation:

first, workouts.

workouts have been great. I haven't missed a workout, let alone a set or a rep in all of the project! Even on crazy Tour de Brooklyn and Tour de Queens days! Even on lazy days. And lonely days. And even on the one day during the PCP when I've woken up with a hangover (yech! it was awful.). But this isn't a big deal for me - I am always solid on the working out.

It's the consumption part that's hard for me...

and the past 2 weeks have not been red letter PCP diet weeks for me. I've blogged about most of the indulgences but in general I've been inching back with the little unlawful bites and the occasional wine. Most of it REALLY doesn't bother me, and I actually consider some of it real success because I'm indulging in mostly smarter ways than I did before, and I'm not obsessing about it in the moment. It's also pretty amazing to me that having a small bowl of corn (with nothing on it) can feel like an indulgence. Mostly i think I've been woo'd back a little bit by salt. he's just so nice and exciting and...tasty. Sugar I have no feelings about. Fruit and milk are so delicious to me that I don't need anything more than that, treat-wise. But a salty cracker can still tug on my heartstrings.

So here's an example of where I've indulged but ultimately it remains a success in my book (but then also might account for a pound or two of reality landing back on my hips these past couple weeks...):

last night I threw a little dinner/climbing party for my coworkers to round out the stay at Chez Paradise (I came back to my much humbler --but much loved-- apartment today). At the end of the night I was left alone with a huge bowl of tortilla chips (my #1 temptation) with guacamole, a medium bowl of these rosemary sea salt crackers (another very strong salty temptation), 3/4 of an AMAZING, decadant chocolate truffle cake, and 2 very yummy peanut butter jelly cookies.

!!!!

Now you know Schlump Girl would've been allllllll over that. She would've found some movie to watch and just had her own schlump party after all the guests left. oh yes, she would've been counting down to that all night!

But guess who I invited to the party instead? Yep, THE PINK LADY. I dumped those chips without a hesitation (ok, maybe there was a slight hesitation); I wrapped up the cake and left a note for my friends to enjoy when they return home tomorrow; I plain FORGOT about the rosemary crackers.

It was cool.

And yes, I did indulge during the dinner, but not crazily. I had gazpacho and some corn chowder (not a cream-based version) and only a few bites of yummy butter sage squash pasta and a small piece of the chocolate cake. I had some bites of cheese and chicken liver (from Zabars - yesssss!) and a few crackers. And I had a small glass of wine and tried an ounce or so of my friend's home brew.

This is why I think The Pink Lady will remain Peak-y but also why she'll always have some boob and curve. It's also why she probably won't go crazy from always denying the foodie inside of her... Because all those things I ate were delicious! and they were prepared with love by people who are important to me! and I didn't waste a nibble on the store-bought quiche or the storebought guac or the run of the mill tortilla chips. and in the most vulnerable time, when everyone left and I was alone to choose Schlump Girl or TPL, I made the right choice and I didn't hem and haw over it.

Ok, ok ok so backing up.

while that's all fine and good and wonderful, I'm still thinking I didn't make much physical progress this week --at least not waistline wise; I DO think I made progress on those hateful 90 second planks, but that's for another post. We'll know for sure tomorrow morning when I creep back onto my scale, but I'm preparing you now for the fact that what we see might not be PCP condoned.

Moving forward. Always moving forward.

Luckily I have no more big social things coming up. A friend is coming for the weekend but we will PCP it up. No parties on the horizon, no dates, no staycations or changes of routine in general. I think this bodes well for some hunkering down to stricter PCP days as the project tops off here in the next 2 weeks, and I think that's FINE. This is what real life will be like, no? A balance of managing indulgences and coming back to the program that we all now know works. I think that this is what I signed up to learn from this project, and if i'm able to swing this pendulum back to the lovely peaceful pcp middle ground after a few high-powered social weeks, then I'll really have learned how to have the body and the health I want and ALSO a life I can feel happy about.

wahooooooo!

also, I'm feeling extra happy today because I really did miss my apartment and it's so nice to be back in Brooklyn. I know it sounds silly since Chez Paradise is...Chez Paradise, but I am so proud of my little home, and I missed my knives...and my coffee maker...and the breeze thru my dining room window...and my scuzzy Brooklyn street...and my kitchen aid...and my radios...and my excellent fan placement...and the lack of mosquitoes...and i even missed the drunk DJ who lives upstairs, sometimes plays music too loud, and calls me "love".

whoa, that little love poem came outta nowhere. ok, going to go to the climbing gym now!

(still nervous about that scale moment in the morning, p.s.)

Day 70, The Pink Lady vs. Schlump Girl

2010-08-09T05:37:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of Royce's awesome metaphor about the demons and super-heroes within us all, I spent the 18 min and 40 seconds (I add 40secs to account for the tripping) of my jumping this morning creating my own comic book narrative. I have to say, I LOVE it and I think it's giving me a big push for this leg of the PCP (I really can't say "final" leg of the PCP, because life as I know it from now on is the PCP in my opinion).

Anyway, here goes...

Deep in the concrete jungle there lives a ferocious demon, though innocent she may seem. Her name? SCHLUMP GIRL.

SCHLUMP GIRL, circa 2008

Notice how SCHLUMP GIRL has weak shoulders, flubby arms and big boobs. She drinks a lot, and eats greasy food, and craves salt and sugar all the time. She also makes bad dating decisions, hangs out with random people who aren't truly her friends, and once she ate tortilla chips dipped in chocolate ice cream.

See how she's slightly out of focus? That's thanks to the aura of negativity she emits.

Don't let her fool you with that innocent, unknowing gaze - she's vicious, and lonely, and scared, and she wants you sitting on that banquette with her, NOW.

Thankfully, SCHLUMP GIRL is easily outdone, even at her strongest moments, by...

THE PINK LADY!

THE PINK LADY, circa July 2010

Her picture says it all, really. THE PINK LADY is all muscle with some sexaaay curve on the side. She's got energy and verve and she still has at least some semblance of pretty great boob. She wants to feel good for the right reasons, and help others do so as well. She also wants to see SCHLUMP GIRL grow up, get focused and leave town so that she can get to The Peak already. Until that day, however, THE PINK LADY fights the good fight to keep SCHLUMP GIRL at bay, faltering on her climb from the peak ever so slightly when SCHLUMP GIRL surfaces at a weak moment, but climbing faster and higher after each encounter.

Will THE PINK LADY make it to The Peak, or will SCHLUMP GIRL drag her down time and time again?

To be continued...

heeheehee! so fun!

in all seriousness though, I think this is really going to help me. I mean, how can I EVER let someone named SCHLUMP GIRL win, over THE PINK LADY?!?! I don't care how grumpy or tired or frustrated I am - I feel like I can resist SCHLUMP GIRL's promises of happiness-via-ice-cream or calm-thru-alcohol, especially when I see her as this demon trying to manipulate me and hold back THE PINK LADY from the peak. Nothing pisses me off more than people trying to manipulate me (this is why I do not own a TV!), so I feel like if I look at it this way I might be able to resist SCHLUMP GIRL better when she tries to bring me down to her pond scum level. We shall see!

ok, onwards.

So, wow, day 70. less than 20 days left now, after today. that's amazing. totally nuts! balls crazy nuts! it's funny, around 40 days left or so I got all completely freaked out about not having enough time to truly achieve peak condition before the 90 days was up. I was really panicking about having to see this project complete without feeling that I was there yet. And now, even after a couple weeks of too many unlawful moments (ladies weekend was great, but i had FAR too much wine...), I don't have that anxiety at all. I guess it's a mixture of feelings; one, that every day I am getting to a new peak condition, so even if we ended right now I'd feel that I accomplished the goal, and two, that I think my regular life won't be much different from this. I love working out every day, and I've always done that regularly, so that's a no brainer. The eating is always harder for me, but this is the first time I've learned how to eat so that I never feel hungry yet still lose fat and build muscle - the winning combination! the holy grail!

also I think I really just needed someone (apparently Patrick) to tell me that what I eat is going to be responsible for 80% of what I look like. I can workout all I want but when I ignore sound, natural, healthy food choices and proportions, SCHLUMP GIRL wins. period. no getting around it. i think i finally understand this.

some workout notes:

today I tried some jumping tricks!! I did this funny heel-toe thing, and then i jumped side to side like the boxers and the guys on youtube. I did 4 successful double rope swing moves!

and, I covered my poor butt and thighs with whip marks from the rope (the downside to jumping in undies-only). !! OUCH!

now I have a weird confession: I discovered, this weekend, that I jump better in silence. It's not so weird actually considering that when I was a runner I never listened to music (marathon training: books on tape! nerd alert!), and I was a swimmer which involves silent laps. With the music I become aware of how much time is passing, and I'm less focused. Jumping in silence the past few days felt very peaceful and focused and reminded me more of why I did love running once upon a time (now: YECH!). I'm still going to listen to some badass tunes for the rest of the workout though, i need to rock to embrace the fail.

ok folks, that's all I've got. Busy busy few days ahead, so I might not post again until Wednesday. But the good news is that my next post will be from my very own home. No, it does not have a garden (or a park), or more than one level, or 6 stovetop burners, or--travesty of all travesties--washer/dryer IN UNIT. But, it's my lovely little homey apartment and I miss it so much!!!! Can't wait to go back to Brooklyn and round out the last couple weeks of this journey where it all began. It's so crazy that everything can remain the same, and yet completely change.

Day 68, I'm here!

2010-08-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

Hey folks, just realized I hadn't posted in a few days. Why? Because m'ladies are here for the weekend! 3 of my close friends from college are having a little weekend getaway here in chez paradise with me and we're having a blast. I'm allowing the wine indulgence and I've nibbled on some other non-sanctioned stuff but for the most part it's going really well PCP-wise (and of course real life-wise it's wonderful to be around these friends!).

More later once I'm by my lonesome again Sunday evening, but I hope you're all having a great weekend!

Tough day with some unlawfulness and a recovery

2010-08-04T18:22:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday and today I've gotten into a really, really low funk. As much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE chez paradise, last year when I was here I was in the throes of a new relationship (albeit a bad one, but I was all optimism at the time), and this year I'm a bit lonely. I think that's clouding my experience here a bit this week, though luckily my best ladies from college are coming Friday for the weekend so that will fill the house with love and happiness of the best sort!

Anyway, back to today. So, I'm in a bit of a loneliness funk. I'm having thoughts like, "what good are awesome abs if there's no one to admire them under the bedsheets?" and, "what are you doing with your life, Elena?!" Luckily I'm not overtired (no life lately = getting enough sleep. bonus!), or else I would probably be writing from the dark depth of a pint of ice cream. Instead, I had an unlawful BUT VERY SMALL cup of chocolate custard this afternoon. then my pity party continued and I came up with this whole plan to go to the movies to distract myself (since I can't have drinks to distract myself) and I decided I was allowed to throw in the towel for an evening and have tortilla chips because after all I deserve it.

Then, I got on my bike and rode back to chez paradise. This is where biking for transportation is good in a whole different way. Once I was on the bike, moving my body, I realized that I don't need to zone out at the movies, and I don't need the stupid tortilla chips (because what I DON'T deserve is to beat myself up about making bad choices). I stopped at Fairway to get milk, shrimp and some sourdough and I got some bonus strawberries and asparagus. When I got to chez paradise I had 2 small slices of sourdough in the garden (unlawful, yes, but if it was going to be that or the stupid chips i'm happy with the choice). Then I stripped down and did 30min of climbing in my undies! while blasting some sweet tunes! It was fun, especially because when I stayed here last year I could hardly do 5 min on the climbing wall without losing all strength in my arms. This time I felt so strong and graceful and badass. and SEXAAAY! Then I had a few strawberries with my yogurt as further unlawful-but-not-so-bad treat.

So, yeah, unlawful items today. BUT I changed my "normal" narrative, from more of a passive/destructive course of action to an active/positive one, and that's no small feat after years of mindlessly doing the former on a frighteningly regular basis. That felt pretty cool. Maybe by day 90 I won't even have to have the custard, or the sourdough, or the strawberries (ok, I'll still have the strawberries, i mean come on!) in order to avoid the stasis and the tortilla chips and the self-punishment. Here's to getting to that point!

ok, that's my report for today. Luckily tomorrow I am seeing an old friend and then Friday I'm taking the day off to prepare for ladies weekend-o-fun! wahoooo! and I'm swearing off unlawful items for the rest of PCP, with an exception for one last indulgence of wine during ladies weekend coming up. Don't worry, I'm not going to go insane, but I am going to have a glass here and there and not worry about it. What i'm NOT going to do is stray from the diet, food-wise, and i think that having this arrangement going into the weekend will help me relax and feel indulgent while not derail things too terribly.

ok, i'm getting under the mosquito net now. side effect to chez paradise: the fracking mosquitos love it here too.

Day 65, Pictures of Chez Paradise

2010-08-04T07:09:00.000-07:00

Here's where I'm spending my "staycation":

Not a great picture here, but that bright area above this shower? yep, huge lovely skylight!

Lovely bedroom.

Climbing room!!

Open, wonderful kitchen (notice all the natural light!).

Also, not in the picture but they have a 6 burner stovetop, which I'm loving, and all sizes of the coveted le creuset pots and pans. heaven!!

And now we enter the garden... (!!)

It's a 2-level garden!

Top Level. Roses! Tomatoes! More!

Close-up: Grapes!

Close-up: Figs!

And finally, this is Baboo. I'm historically not a cat person, so she makes me a little nervous, but she's pretty cool in the end.

P.S. Today's workout was HARD! It took me a full 60 minutes and I was dying by the end. Reached real failure in 2 of the exercises, and bad-form-failure in the rest. The planks were KILLER! That was the first time i've had the thought "i'm gonna collapse before the set time is up!". I didn't give in, however, but the final one was pretty awful, form-wise.

Day 64, New pictures (including one inspired by Royce!)

2010-08-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

Check out my Royce photo:

heeheehee! i heart you, Royce!

Day 63, America is nuts (is it just America, or are humans nuts?)

2010-08-02T17:59:00.000-07:00

Ooof. I am wiped! But, in a good way.

Had a great morning today - dr.'s appt later in the AM, so I got a little extra time in "Chez Paradise", and I spent that time cooking up a storm, sipping copious amounts of coffee, and enjoying all this SPACE and SUNLIGHT! (i swear i'll post pictures soon.) I made shrimp in a spicy white wine broth (not much wine - 1 swig!) and stuffed summer squash with onions, sourdough breadcrumbs, fresh thyme from the garden, other spices and teense amt of grated gruyere on top. BEST. LUNCH. EVER.

I wish every weekday could start with 3 or 4 hours of nice, relaxing down time at home. One of the things I've learned during this project is that I love cooking in the morning, though I don't like to feel rushed while doing so. The schedule works for me, since I have many meetings in the evenings, all over the city, and inevitably there is only 1 weeknight a week when I get home before 9pm. Unfortunately, The American Way of Life does not really support this schedule. I'm coming to see that The American Way of Life does not really support health, in a general more broad view. Yes, I have a classically intense non-profit advocacy job where I work like mad for not much dough, but it's a lot less soul-crushing than the 9-5 jobs I had in my previous career. The problem? Let's do a breakdown of time, as an exercise.

Here are the things I need to incorporate into my day to live a healthy life (and the general amt of time they take):

Sleep (8 hours)

Exercise (1 hour)

Commute by bike (1.5 - 2 hours total depending on meetings)

Making & enjoying breakfast (20 minutes)

Preparing & packing my lunch and any snacks (20 minutes if i have to make food, this kind of overlaps with breakfast but they still wind up taking about 40 min total)

Showering/ablutions (15 minutes)

Washing dishes (10 minutes)

Working (let's say I work an average of 9.5 hours/day. this is a conservative approximation!)

that's 21.5 hours!!!

and I didn't include any time for socializing of any sort, reading (my most favorite thing), any hobbies (i am a novice knitter, looking to improve), grocery shopping, any kind of chore/errand-running, or --god forbid-- any spontaneous activity. Any combo of these additions would be at least 3 or 4 more hours per day, especially when you incorporate travel time! And there we go, we've exceeded the # of hours in the day.

I mean, NO WONDER THERE ARE SO FEW HEALTHY PEOPLE OUT THERE! Both mind and body get the short end of the stick here, or at best one of those gets taken care of and the other has to be sacrificed (which really means they're both sub-par). With this kind of schedule challenge it's not surprising that fewer and fewer people cook for themselves, that more and more people gravitate to the numbing escape of the television, that people are overweight and exhausted and floating thru life, unsure of when to throw the anchor and declare, ENOUGH ALREADY!

I have no big conclusion to this, unfortunately. And to add to the conundrum I'm starting grad school part-time in the fall while still working like this (!!?@!@#$#@). I'm pretty good at organizing and maximizing my time, and I'm hoping that the school thing will just force me to continue to be productive, but this is a tough equation and I'm still looking at how to elegantly solve this proof. Some days I entertain thoughts of becoming a cheese-maker (long-time fantasy), some days I think about going back to the boring 9-5 nonsense paycheck while I finish school. But I try to balance out all the craziness with the importance of my commitment to the work I'm doing, and the movement I give so much of myself to (http://transalt.org). Any suggestions on how to reconcile a meaningful life with a healthy one?

Maybe we can all start a PCP ashram and throw it all to the wind! It can be called PCP Camp and each group name will be a different cabin! I call top bunk by a window in TEAM SEXAAAY!

Ooof. I'm going to go wash the dishes and eat a fresh fig. There are so many great things in this life, can't get too bogged down about how overwhelming it can seem sometimes.

p.s. people keep asking me if i got a haircut. i laugh and just say no, but offer up that I might be more tan from summer bike commuting. as much as I like it when people blatantly compliment the bod, it's kind of nice to know that some are just getting this general sense of wellness from me, and not seeing the weight loss or the muscles right away - they're seeing something else. That je ne sais quoi that Patrick says comes from having zero dissonance between what you think you look like and what you actually look like. cool stuff.

p.p.s. I had an unlawful treat today but i enjoyed it so much i feel zero guilt (sorry, Patrick). it was pretty unlawful though, on the ingredient side... it was one of those awful fake low-fat frozen yogurts! but it was so ice-y and cold and supremely wonderful. It was peanut butter flavored. I know, should just have regular peanut butter if want peanut butter. But I wanted the texture and the coldness moreso than the flavor. YUM. On the plus side, I didn't have too much, and I wasn't even remotely tempted to follow it up with loads of other unlawful things (that's what I would've done BEFORE). so anyway, moving on. eye on the prize for the next few weeks!

Day 62, The Staycation Begins!

2010-08-01T08:31:00.000-07:00

Great workout today - I still can't believe how different it feels when I'm keeping the time super strict between sets and the different exercises!

Also, today I jumped to Florence & The Machine (an old favorite of mine, but Jenny reminded me how much I love the album). It felt like the 16 minutes went by in a flash!! Totally awesome.

Additionally I got 2 nights in a row of solid wonderful uninterrupted sleep this weekend, so I think that had something to do with the great jumping session also.

So, Staycation! Today I pack my panniers and my basket and I roll to the Upper West Side where I am housesitting for some friends for the week. I won't say too much, because I will post pictures of why their place is so amazingly special, but let's just say I'm entering a haven of calm and happiness for the week! Unfortunately I discovered another mouse in my place this morning, so I guess I will just have to deal with that when I come back (ugggg). More later from "chez paradise" as I call it!

Final random aside:

Check it out! Yesterday I met up with PCP veterans and current Kung Fu Body stars Shivani and Emily! We have a friend in common (she is how I found out about PCP, from telling me about what Shivani and Emily were doing), and it was really great to meet them, flex our muscles, and feel that camaraderie in person. Yay for the PCP community!!!

This photo below shows how much cooler the KFB exercises are for posing (all I could think to do was the boring 'strength pose')...

Day 61, phew!

2010-07-31T18:35:00.000-07:00

oh man, i'm tired.

in the spirit of pcp productiveness, I sucked it up today and did two back-to-back make-up shifts that I owed at the food co-op. That's 5 hours and 15 minutes of working at the store (admittedly the first half I had kind of an easy job, but it was still tiring). But I feel so good! I've been putting this off for weeks, and I'm so glad i just went and did it and stopped procrastinating.

Anyway, that's that. Not my favorite way to spend a Saturday, but as it turns out I'm not going out to dinner these days so I had the time!

Workout notes and questions:

Another super-focused workout, took me more like 56 minutes today - awesome! Maybe a couple days of these more intense workouts is also making me extra tired right now. I got 9 hours of sleep last night and planning on another luxurious night again starting soon!

Bicycle - I'm not feeling it at all in my abs! but my legs KILL (my quads, mostly). What's going on here?? I'm going to fiddle with the angle I'm sitting at. Really annoying!

Shoulder exercises - This is the toughest set of exercises for me. They make me feel bad and uncoordinated and weak, and it's the closest i get to crying. But that must be because I really need to build strength in my shoulders, so I try to focus on that.

Chest Dip - I feel this so much more in my arms than my chest (and yes i'm looking down). What's the deal?

I guess that's all for now. I'm so exhausted, I can hardly think of what else to type! I guess a final thought is that I find it AMAZING that we're at day 61. When Team SEXAAAY started the group at day 60 seemed so far ahead, in this whole phase of the project I couldn't even imagine. When I decided to do PCP one of the final decision making thoughts that I had was "these 90 days will fly by regardless of what I do, so why not emerge with a whole new body and outlook?!"

I certainly predicted that one right - it's flying by, and the body is new and so is the outlook. So amazing that all we needed was to commit to doing it, and here we've done it! wahooo!

Day 59, Woke up to...a wake up call!

2010-07-29T05:48:00.000-07:00

So after Patrick's email yesterday I gave myself a little talking to. I've been a little too lax on rest time between sets and between the different exercises. I think the workouts have been taking me 65 minutes lately, maybe even 70 minutes!!!

This morning, despite being super tired, I got up and committed to being diligent. I set the timer on my watch to 5 seconds less than the designated rest time, to account for pressing to reset it and get in position after it went off. And I plowed through the workout!

Reactions to strict timing on the workout:

First, it only took me 53 minutes. Whoa. I was wasting major time before. it added up, apparently! (just like all those bites of indulgent food and sips of beer I used to have added up to the 15 pounds I've lost!)
Second, I definitely got more burn. Not world-of-difference more, but enough that I felt I was really doing a top-notch workout, not a medium-notch one like I had apparently been doing before.
Third, around 12pm I could really feel it (I do my workouts at 7am). I got up to do something at work and suddenly felt muscle fatigue that I haven't felt since the beginning of PCP.
Fourth, I felt very productive and energetic during the workout! Something about staying on task and on a very strict timeline made the whole thing feel better and filled it with the focus and energy that I've been enjoying all around lately. I've found, especially these past few weeks, that I'm procrastinating less. If i get home at 10pm from a work meeting I don't plop down and chill out right away if there are other things that need to get done (like, ahem, washing dishes). Overall I'm more prone to the DOING of things rather than the putting off that I used to do more often than I'd like to admit. That feels good! And, it felt good to feel that kind of focused energy during the workout!
Fifth, it was nice to be finished in 53 minutes. Of course this still did not translate to me being on time for work, but that's a separate issue I haven't quite figured out yet...

Ok, that's all for today, people.

(No update yet on mystery bicycle man, p.s., but I'm having a lot of fun looking around during my commute, trying to see if anyone matches the list of characteristics he revealed in the post. So far no one has, though what do I when someone does, shout HEY DID YOU WRITE A MISSED CONNECTION ABOUT ME?! Well, I guess I'll do whatever I'm motivated to do. Or, maybe the mystery bicycle man will remain at large...)

Day 58, New pictures of the bod & food!

2010-07-28T18:40:00.000-07:00

Finally uploaded this week's set of pictures. And here's a bonus shot of my breakfast this morning:

Sourdough toasts with avocado, tomato and 1 poached egg split 3 ways!

YUUMMMM!

(p.s. it's almost 10pm and I just realized that the only carb i have for breakfast tomorrow is pasta... well, a first time for everything I suppose!)

Real-life Sex and the City, you say, Patrick? I raise you this...

2010-07-27T19:40:00.000-07:00

So this isn't completely PCP related, but it is fairly newsworthy and I guess it has to do with my current looks, so there is some correlation.

As follows the old adage, when it rains it pours. Voila! The third date with The Unhealthy Heart Surgeon was a flop, I restocked my milk, and here I have another potential romantic situation!

Ok, does everyone know what craigslist missed connections is? Well if not, it's this page on craigslist.org where you can send out messages to the world about people who you notice or think of but who, for whatever reasons, you weren't able to contact in real life. I think the idea of it is romantic at best - it shows, especially in a city like NYC where sometimes people can be so closed off, that we're all going around noticing people far more than we let on, and that many of our thoughts about others are kind, or at least flattering (and sometimes x-rated!). At its worst it's a bit creepy, and sometimes people are just nuts. Eh, what can you do?

So anyway, to make a long story short, check this out: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/1864862621.html

It's about me! Isn't that crazy?!

Now, I don't read this missed connections site, because I have had not one but TWO experiences on it already (!!); one involved catching an ex-boyfriend in a long-term crush situation and then enacting sweet revenge, and one was a post someone wrote about me that turned into a very romantic and ultimately somewhat heartbreaking and existential-crisis-causing experience.
So by those descriptions alone, you can probably see why I stay very, very far away from this site.

But then today one of my volunteers sent me the posting, as he had been volunteering at said letter writing and knew that I had written a letter, worn a blue dress and ride a fuchsia/purple single speed bike. The catch? He also sent it to TWO HUNDRED of our East Side volunteers! How embarrassing!! But of course also how funny. All the staff at my office then saw it, there were many jokes and some funny/awkward pats on the back.

Of course all I could think was, WELL IT'S TOTALLY BECAUSE OF PCP! And it really is - I mean, yeah, the bod is looking way better than it was before, but also I can feel that I'm existing differently. I'm putting a different energy out into the world. I've always had a fine time with confidence, so it's not as simple as that, it's more of a subtle change that I've felt especially in the last few weeks. Peacefulness is playing a part - maybe because I've finally removed myself from a cycle of guilt and self-chastisement after every "not good" food choice or indulgence? I'm not sure the exact origin, but it's definitely PCP related and it feels much clearer and calmer than the berating that I think I used to do to myself much of the time.

Anyway, pretty funny stuff.

(updates on what happens with this go around to come, I'm sure. Let's all hope that dude isn't a freaky troll!)

Day 56, Onwards!

2010-07-26T19:37:00.000-07:00

I keep looking at the group that started after us and thinking: but wait, aren't we still at the beginning??!?
I'm shocked that we're almost 2/3 of the way to the end, but of course as we approach that elusive day 90 it looks less and less like and endpoint and more like a starting point. Similar to graduation from college or high school - yes, you're finishing one thing, but it's a means to move forward to the next thing. By finishing PCP we're starting our new, mindful, healthful, HOT BODYFUL lives. That's pretty exciting! I was thinking today about how, once PCP proper is over, it'll be so nice to just have an apple, egg white and glass of milk for dinner from time to time, especially in the middle of a week where there may be a few indulgences. What a comfort all this knowledge will be when we go back out into the big bad world of non-food foods and excessive indulgence!

Ok, phew. mini-lecture over.

Soooo, anyone wondering about Date #3??
Well wonder no more!
It was.... a TOTAL FLOP!

Yes friends, alas, the third date test revealed a big whopper of a zero on the fun scale.
First, to let you know that I'm not just a huge judgmental jerk, here's my approach to dating (i've done a lot of it, fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it):

First date - everyone is too nervous to be able to see clearly. Now of course the flop can happen on date #1 but I'm very forgiving on what happens at this point. Most things that can go wrong here can be chalked up to nerves, so I have a 2-date minimum (this rule was only broken once when I went out with a sweaty-handed smarmy sneaky guy who tried to trick me into going to his apartment and wouldn't stop trying to stroke my hands DURING DINNER! Ok, anyway...)

Second date: This is when I'm at my most optimistic. I see potential everywhere, even between the food stuck in your adult braces.

Third date: This is where those rose-colored glasses come off and either the view is fresh and clear and lovely, or dim and grey and putrid. This date is most helpful if NO alcohol is consumed!

Ok, so the recent gentleman suitor. Date 3 was a telltale 'yech', involving almost no smiles, many snarky remarks, and a lack of a plan (his actions, not mine!). I was very happy because it was a daytime date and we went for a sushi lunch where I could stick to PCP. This, however, was not a great idea because I have a hard time putting up with picky eaters or people who aren't adventurous about their food. When a dude gets teriyaki and tempura and makes a gross face at my beautiful sashimi he is not scoring points with me. Another lady, maybe, but not this one!

Alright alright so i sound like a jerk. But mostly it was gross - he obviously just wanted to somehow get me back to his apartment (only 3 dates! i'm no prude but come on man!), and with the new PCP body maybe I don't blame him so much for that, but we just didn't jibe so I was extra prudish.

Now here's where this whole long nonsense relates to PCP:

So, by the time I had an opening to cut my losses and head home, I was pretty annoyed and kind of skeeved out. I have learned the art of patience, but mostly at work, so in my free time I'm probably a less patient person than normal people. Combine that with being very straightforward. The result? Here's how the final exchange went down:

The Gentleman Suitor: Well, ahhh, we could go back to my place and drink some port.
Me: ummmm
The Gentleman Suitor: [eyebrows raised in freaky anticipation]
Me: You know, I really have to get back to Brooklyn. I have too....ummm.....oh! I have to go buy some MILK. I need to buy A TON of milk! I love milk. I'll probably have to get a gallon.

Seriously. That's what I said.
My inner voice was all, YOU'RE CRAZY! YOU JUST TOLD HIM YOU'RE GOING TO BUY MILK! BUT IT IS TRUE, YOU NEED TO GO BUY MILK FOR THE NEW PCP WEEK!

hahaha, i wanted to laugh, thinking of how my PCP friends would giggle at this one-of-a-kind date-ender.

Naturally I had to jump on the bike and flee. I felt bad, but then I didn't. Life's too short!
When I got home (after stopping for milk, of course) I was so happy and content to have my milk and my life.
...and then I wanted more milk.

Day 55, where I meet ANOTHER pcp'er!

2010-07-25T17:05:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's true!
I was just at the food co-op, buying a shocking amount of eggs and milk (as usual) and who did I meet? Shivani! More real life pcp action happening, and it was great.

First, she looks INCREDIBLE. Man, if there is any motivation to keep going strong it's running into a PCP Graduate / KFB Student because that lady is ripped!

Second, I couldn't stop talking! We launched right in (after the squealing and admitting we'd been reading each others' blogs) and it was so refreshing to talk PCP with someone who doesn't need an explanation.

We are going to try and meet up with Emily (also PCP/KFB) next week, and we agreed that we'll take an awesome picture of us all flexing, so stay tuned for that!

Speaking of meeting - Tara, when are you coming to NYC??

Day 54, Moving On Mindfully

2010-07-24T10:32:00.000-07:00

Thankfully, the bagel & chocolate incident is behind me. I hunted around our fellow PCP and Kung Fu Body blogs after my slip-up for some guidance, and as usual I found some! Emily (KFB) recently took a "vacation" for a day from the strict diet. One of the comments left for her struck a chord with me - when we veer off and have big indulgences it can help us appreciate the healthy, conscious choices we're making the majority of the time.

So true! I spent all this energy beating myself up for one day of sloppy behavior, and in the meantime I have had 54 days of unprecedented commitment to healthy, conscious choices. A little more appreciation for the positive here, Elena!!

A huge pat on the back to everyone here on PCP - the choices we're making every day (to do the workouts, to resist unhealthy food choices, to prioritize food prep, to try and get quality rest, etc.) are TOUGH, and they're CONSTANT, and we all deserve the party of the century for deciding to take this journey and live our lives mindfully, rather than easily.

I'm happy to report that yesterday I adhered to the diet down to the last gram again, and planning to do so today as well. I keep coming back to the sense of appreciation for these small but drastic choices that we're all making, and I'm trying to tap into that pride more often.

Also, date #3 with the gentleman suitor today! We are heading to a flea market and then I hope to suggest a sushi lunch. Yay! No dinner temptations! I have a feeling he will suggest wine (he seems to do this), but I'm going to politely decline, despite the strong temptation to take the dating edge off (Deborah I'm thinking about your comment re: being aware of the experience!)

in other news, some workout notes:

I loved the tricep extensions today!

jumping rocks my world. again today i couldn't believe it when 15 min was over. if you're looking for good tunes, here's what i've been listening to lately: http://www.davidbyrne.com/radio/index.php (david byrne posts a playlist each month, not usually of his music, rather it's what he's listening to. sometimes they're weird, but mostly they're AWESOME).

I can almost do 1 full pull-up! I'm close! Really close!

Kung Fu sit-ups are crazy hard, yo! But I could do them better today than earlier this week.

Excited to have jump-only day tomorrow and get a little extra sleep.

Goal for the upcoming week: prioritize sleep!

Day 53, Unlawful Indulgence Disaster Day

2010-07-23T13:43:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I think I’ve had a sudden taste of the valley and I’m now desperately trying to climb out and run for my life!

The day started with…jumps! As usual! Awesome jumps, actually, as the playlist I’m jamming to lately is fun and upbeat. Also, I had a very nice date #2 last night with the gentleman suitor and I woke up feeling tentatively giddy. So the jumps were good, but I was feeling way, way, waaaay too tired. Because of an extremely late bedtime (Tara, you probably know this drill: dating a doctor can lead to later-than-normal meet-up times!), I did not have time for the rest of the workout (will be completing that upon arriving home from work). I used to have this problem, where if I didn’t work out hard in the morning I would kind of give up on eating healthy during the day (I’d think to myself something like “well, this day is already shot, health-wise, now that I didn’t work out, so WHATEVER!”). I don’t think that would’ve been a problem today, since there have been a couple days during PCP when I had to wait until later to do the strength training, and I’m learning that this new body is 80% thanks to maintaining the diet. Plus, that was total crap logic to begin with!!!!

So I would’ve been ok, I think…EXCEPT that I was so tired, and 53 days without a bagel or some chocolate is a lot of time for me, and there have been so many temptations this week (for example, this is what's behind my desk at work right now:

(if you don't know this beer, this is expensive Local 1, Brooklyn Brewery Belgian-style ale; used to be a big favorite of mine, and it's free and readily available at my PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT!)

So, I had a bagel.

And some chocolate. A lot of chocolate (a whole chocolate bar!).

The bagel I nibbled at as the day went by, so at least I didn’t have it in one sitting, but still, I had it. (no cream cheese or anything on it, though, and it was ½ pumpernickel and ½ whole wheat, so at least not plain white. but still.)

What’s surprising about this uncontrolled behavior, is that I’ve been stressing out BIG TIME, all week, about the dating and how I don’t want to have unlawful things, and blah blah blah. Then I caved with stuff that didn’t even matter; it wasn’t a social outing, it wasn’t the date, it was just normal nonsense food that I’m around all the time. Admittedly, the bagel tasted really fracking good. nothing like a fresh NYC pumpernickel bagel…but it didn't taste any better than a delicious banana or a big ripe peach. the satisfaction was momentary and came from a bad place, not the good healthy place we're coming to know so well with the PCP.

I guess I kind of worked myself into a frenzy about the diet this week. It doesn’t feel strict, but then again it kind of does. I was telling a friend this week that it’s not about drastic gestures, rather the PCP diet is about is having the ability to make dozens of small decisions, all day, every day. Even on my best days it feels like a constant struggle, or something to constantly be mindful of. Maybe poor eating habits are more like addictions of other kinds than I ever thought. My problem was never that I ate junk, I just ate A LOT. Prosciutto for breakfast. A bagel if there were some at the office. A huge lunch. Snacks in between. Chocolate. Decadent dinner. Beer. Wine. evening snacks (not 160g vegetable snacks, mind you…). I know a lot of people in the food world in NYC; I have access to free food at amazing restaurants. For someone with a non-profit salary and a high-regard for luxury food this is a recipe for health/weight/body disaster. It's also a recipe for lots of fun...

And today my will power just broke. If it hadn’t been the bagel and the chocolate it would’ve been something else, I suspect. I’m really tired physically, but I’m also tired from a week of anxiety about how to reconcile my PCP goals and my social life. I know I have to find some kind of balance, but I just don’t quite know how to do that yet, and as others in the group have written about lately, it’s hard to maintain this project and these goals while also maintaining the kinds of social interactions we’ve all been in the habit of having our entire lives. This week I started landing on the premise that maybe I actually can have the body i've always fantasized about having. What an exciting thought! The flip side, however, is that I trade some of the ways I used to relax and interact with people and with the city. I'm not sure how to be ok with that trade-off.

Sigh.

I’m not beating myself up too badly (though maybe I should…?). I’ll go home and finish the workout, I’ll clear my head during my ride there, I’ll go out to celebrate a friends’ birthday and enjoy an order of ceviche and I might even have a glass of wine, and then I will go home and get a bazillion hours of sleep. The important thing will be to then get enough hours of sleep in the next few nights as well! I need to prioritize it, or else my strength –mentally as much as physically—just can’t hold up as well to the inherently non-comforting comforts of my pre-pcp coping mechanisms. I haven't ascended to a level of nonchalance about those vices yet, and I need to have all the strength I can muster to keep trying to get to that point.

So anyway, I think that was my foray into the valley. I haven’t wavered an inch with the workouts; I’m feeling so strong and excited about working out lately – I get almost catatonic during the jumps, in a good way, and can’t believe that the 15min is going by so fast. I’m trying hard to embrace failure as a goal for the strength sets (still a counter-intuitive thing for me, but I’m trying), and generally I’m loving all the quality alone time that morning workouts give me in my apartment. But the dinner part of the diet is bumming me out. Like Kowhai, I’m often hungry when I’m going to bed, and I think that has been building fuel toward today’s rebellious act.

Enough analysis. Moving on now (trying to at least)…

Day 51, Pictures and vanity

2010-07-21T08:21:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm letting myself enjoy some vanity today. I went hog-wild with the pictures and posted 4, including a fun hardcore muscle pose! Here it is:

This was the first week where, when I looked at all the pictures, i couldn't find one that I thought looked bad. Amazing! Here's how I've been describing how I feel to people, lately: It's as if someone has swapped my schlumpy old bod with a new avatar! So far I've lost 13 pounds, and as you can see, there's some serious muscle developing under there! Part of me really never believed I could make this kind of drastic change, but it seems to be really happening...

Congrats to Team SEXAAAY! Day 50 and we're all so different already. Woop wooooop!!!!

Day 49, the post-date up-date!

2010-07-19T18:56:00.000-07:00

in short: pcp + dating = harder than the workouts, but also satisfying!

long version:

so the date was pretty good! i'm a little negatron on it today, but I think that's just a convenient little defense mech, compensating for me putting myself out there.

OK, backing up.

so we met for wine and cheese (i prefer beer with cheese, similar fermentation/aging processes, etc. but that's for another post - anyway, beer puffs me up like mr.staypuff marshmallow, so i'm staying away from it whole hog during these 90 days).

on an emotional note, i got all nervous! he was cute and i just haven't dated in a while (it's been a year since i went on a first date, and about 6 months since breaking up with "jerky mc.jerkerson"). I'm not usually nervous in any situation, so it threw me for a loop, but i managed. good for the ego, and the soul - both of mine can use some humbling from time to time.

so i had a nice glass of rose, and we chose 3 cheeses. it was delicious! the wine was spectacular and the cheese was only a few bites (note: a proper cheese plate should allow for roughly 1 oz of cheese per person. this one offered a bit less, but i was not complaining about that on this outing!).

we stayed at the place for a long time, chatting and chatting and getting over the nerves (at least on my end). it's so odd to get to know someone new. i have a hard time enjoying the slight awkwardness of it - i want to just fast forward to the part where we're comfortable! but i know there's something important about the uncomfortable beginnings (who knows if this particular beginning will develop, but it's still some kind of a beginning I suppose). then we went on a nice long walk, thru one particularly charming street that we'd aimed to stroll down. eventually we went into another hidden little place on the edge of soho and i had a second glass of wine! this time red, and it was incredible! A Spanish Granacha in tribute to the World Cup champs. now, this was about 2 hours or so after the first glass, but get this - no buzz from either one. can you believe that?! what the what is that all about?! no alcohol for 48 days and I don't even get a nice light feeling to take the edge off a first date?! unfair. but in the end probably a good thing.

anyway, we ordered these little bruschetta things and i was a tad concerned that they'd be greasy or something but they weren't! very small, with some more cheese (not much), some fresh veggies and truly delicious.

it felt good to have the indulgence and to enjoy it. I don't necessarily want ALL my old favorites to taste bad now, and natural things like wine and cheese are not my problem anyway.

here's the rub: i didn't really explain PCP fully. i tried to... i was nervous! i couldn't figure out how to impart the basics without sounding like a wack-o. it's extra silly because this guy is in medical school - he's going to be a heart surgeon for god's sake and I'm still worried he won't understand the PCP. well, i'm also still undecided on whether or not I CARE that he understands it, so I'm not going to get too bent out of shape [yet]. He asked me today if I'd go for an evening bike ride this week, so that's nice. but then the invitation ended with "and then grab a beer", which is less nice. argh!

i'm going to suggest we ride to a park and stop at a store nearby, where i will get sparkling water and he can get a beer.

here's the funny thing: i feel like there's this clock ticking, like my time is running out, and if the second date goes well then the timer will ring: 'i'd like to take you out to dinner.' How is it that my reaction to the possibility of a cute, chatty, southern, taller-than-me, soon-to-be-heart-surgeon asking me to dinner is: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

???

i heart pcp. but i also heart my heart, so i've got to figure out how to get thru at least another date or two to see if there's a spark here!

ok back to downer mode. i feel like i just got too excited there.

i'm going to focus on how great the wine and cheese were, for now.

(i tried to find a picture of me doing a downer face, to put in this post. the only one i could find is this, of me and my sister last year. it's kind of blurry but pretty funny, I think.)

Day 47, Workout Notes

2010-07-17T21:38:00.000-07:00

Almost everyday, during the workout, I remind myself to blog about workout-related things. But then the day starts and by the time I write to you all I'm not really thinking about it anymore. I think this is probably a good sign, showing that I'm really just taking the daily workouts as they come (just part of my daily routine! the floss approach, if you will).

But there are a few comments/questions I need to share!

Jumping: now that we're doing it by time, I find that I don't need to stop. Is it ok if i just do 14 minutes (or whatever the time total is) without stopping? I figure the answer is yes, but just want to ask the guru if it's kosher. (note: i do stop a few times because of tripping, especially if i haven't gotten enough sleep, but that's only a moment as i start up again, not a rest.)

Chest: on these triple-whammy chest days I'm finally feeling it here! Yesss! Because of the chairs I have, i can't totally lift and dip my full body weight on the chest dips. but I'm just putting my tip-toes on the floor and trying not to compensate too much. hope this is ok...

Lunges: still hate them, purely just for the amount of time they take! took me 9 minutes this morning to do the lunges alone! uggg.

shoulders: kill me. but in a good way, and this is where I'm seeing the most visual progress lately.

pull up update: can do 75% of one full, wide-arm pull-up! (this is progress) so i'm still stuck in incline land, but i can feel that it's helping.

abs: i have a question about the water 'pro tip'. Here in my 80 degree apartment, i'm sweating like a dog during the workouts, and i get out of control thirsty. i don't think i physically can get thru the whole workout with just a few sips of water! i'm having one glass of ice water thru the whole workout - will this REALLY be detrimental to the ab work??

more abs: i confess i haven't done 8 minute abs since i left wisconsin. i want to get into a routine where i'm doing it in the evening a few nights a week, but not there yet. maybe this week...

and more abs: kung fu sit-ups were awesome today! My pull-up bar isn't high enough to do with straight legs for the whole thing though. should I do it all with bent legs, or should i straighten out legs in front and lift? i have a feeling the answer is for the latter, since that one seems harder to do.

Finally, on a body note:

Similar to Patrick talking about something he noticed on his shoulder (?) once he got into Peak Condition, I had a crazy moment the other day. I was in bed ready to go to sleep, and admittedly I was checking out my abs to see if i could feel ridges yet, with my hand. I found a scar, and scar tissue just below my belly button, and was thrust back into a long-lost memory of when I fell once in Wisconsin and ripped a deep flap of skin off my lower stomach. I remembered the whole experience so vividly, once I felt the scar. It may have been my first time trying to 'save face' in life! I was playing with some kids I didn't know that well, and I think I was showing off climbing on something, and I slipped and cut myself very badly. I remember the feeling of the pain, and how it was so bad I couldn't breathe very well. The kids were scared (I think there was a lot of blood) and I remember--so vividly! it's crazy!--that I forced myself to talk and say that I was ok, and maybe even pretend to laugh a little bit. I asked them to go get my dad, and then I remember that I sat on the ground, alone, feeling this terrible pain and feeling relieved that I was alone to be honest with the feeling of it and not try to act like it wasn't so bad.

WILD! I haven't thought of that in probably 18 years (since around when it probably happened) - what an amazing thing it was to be taken back to that experience, and all because of PCP and my shrinking waist. very cool.

Day 46, TGIF! Seriously!

2010-07-16T18:32:00.000-07:00

phew. made it thru that week. i don't know why this week was so hard for me - I had my first emotional workout, all day today I felt kind of fat and schlubby, I had some sleep troubles (i.e. not enough), and yesterday morning as I dragged my groggy self out into my kitchen i spotted a wee little mousey mouse scamper behind the stove. !!!

I was suddenly totally alert and shouted: "I SAW YOU, FIEVEL!!!"

I don't blame the mouse, I blame myself.

So, I haven't cleaned off the stovetop in a while. And I'm getting a little lazy about doing the dishes after EVERY meal, and the one place I didn't shove steel wool when I moved in is...behind the stove. uggg.

I could get all complain-y and talk about how there aren't enough hours in the day and blah blah blah but you know what - we all have the same 24 hours! it's not about being efficient, it's about being effective (and kind of about being efficient). If I choose to spend an hour being picky about writing and editing and rewriting an email I'm sending a friend, that's not time being cruel to me, that's me choosing to do that instead of choosing to clean the kitchen!

Can you tell we had a Time Management brown bag lunch this week at work? The guy was kind of smarmy, and there were a shocking number of typos in his presentation (I personally think it's a good use of time to correct typos!), but some of the principles he talked about rang true. Time is not the enemy! We have total control over how to spend our time! There's no such thing as "saving" time!

Ok, so anyway, I need to re-adjust my priorities.

In that vein, on this Friday night, I came directly home from work [did not pass go or collect $200], finished the workout--I only did jumps this morning, because of staying up too late last night (!!), then went head to head with little Fievel and his friends behind the stove...

Did I mention it's something like 90 degrees here? So I'm sweating from the workout (which was hard, indeed, but felt good to do after feeling schlubby all day), and I'm sweating because I'm mad at Fievel, and I pulled the stove out to find a whole lotta nothing. At least I was prepared for the worst (i'd been expecting a putrid layer of mouse poop). There were some crevices, so I'm hoping I solved the problem, but the floor was gross in a general way so I vacuumed the area and washed it on hands and knees. I needed a nice cold shower so bad that I decided to also do a superclean of my tub (which I've also been ignoring), which lead to superclean of whole bathroom. I was SOAKED with sweat, running around in filth trying to whip this place back into it's proper shape. How anyone (Jenny!) manages a space more than a 1-floor narrow apartment is beyond me. I spent the whole time fantasizing about how my next apartment will be a 2 bedroom and the second room will be the workout/study room! (my floors are getting gross from all the sweating that's happening in here...)

Anyway, it's all finished. I still need to vacuum and mop the whole apartment, and do my laundry, but I think I can manage those chores tomorrow. The gross stuff is finished, and I was rewarded with a nice cold clean shower - and an apple, egg white and some milk (lol).

I also got to call my grandma, which is another priority I've let fall off the list for some ungodly reason.

Finally, as a little aside to my fellow Team SEXAAAAYs, I'm going to reiterate what I wrote earlier on Tara's blog, as an answer to the encroaching Valley feelings that we all seem to be starting to have:

I'm also having some not-fun feelings about the everyday workouts. Maybe we're all feeling it now also because they've gotten longer, and we've done them for a while and we're still going to do them for a while more. I don't know about you but it's taking me around 50 minutes to do the whole workout. That's a pretty big chunk of time!

Here's my advice: start to frame your thinking about the workouts like you do with brushing your teeth, or putting on your deodorant, or jewelry or makeup or clothes. In fact, add up the time it takes to do all those daily routines that you've always done. My guess is it'll take as long as the PCP workout (maybe longer, even!), and look at how much you're getting from these workouts. So, I think just accepting it as part of what you do everyday, and not as something separate from the other things you do everyday, will help.
(caveat: I still resent flossing and I've done it everyday for 15 years, so I haven't even quite conquered this mindset myself... but I still always floss!!)

Day 45, advice needed!

2010-07-15T11:10:00.000-07:00

The good news is that I have a date next week!
The bad news is...how on earth do I do a first date on PCP???

Here are the challenges:

I don't know this guy very well (it's a first date after all), so I'm not totally comfortable with explaining the whole PCP thing even before we go on the date.
I already suggested a coffee & walking date, or an early morning date (i.e. trying to avoid dinner plans), but he has a very demanding schedule, so it looks like dinnertime is the only time!

I am kind of at a loss of what to do. I wanted to wait until after PCP before I started dating again, but I've been feeling very confident and I've been practicing flirting (such a nerd, I know, but I need to actively think of these things, as it doesn't come naturally). I think the confidence and new bod are showing, as I might have another date with someone ELSE (!!) but luckily that one seems like it's going to just be coffee and bike riding - phew.

Anyway, back to the main date (which I am getting excited about). Do I just go for it and be as PCP friendly as possible, but not make it an issue? I obviously want to prioritize PCP, but I need to "get back out there" as mothers and friends like to say, and the clock is ticking!

One final incentive: ahem...so, uhhh, remember that libido question Patrick posed? Well, let's just say I think it's important I get out there and, errr, get that taken care of...!!

PCP Pancakes - simple version

2010-07-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

This is, quite possibly, the easiest recipe of all time. And while you won't have any "oh my god what is this amazing taste" moments while eating these, you WILL be satisfied and feel special for the fact that you're achieving peak condition while also eating for-real pancakes!!

PCP Pancakes - simple and satisfying

[disclaimer: I designed this recipe so that it includes my breakfast carbs/milk/eggs for 2 days, and the batter will keep well overnight I'm sure. You may have to adjust for your diets, but the proportions worked very well so try to keep them close to this.]

200g whole wheat flour

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

2 eggs

7 oz milk

1/2 tsp salt (a shallow half-tsp)

1/2 tsp cinnamon or cardamom or nutmeg or whatever spices you want! (i would say a generous half-tsp for this one)

blueberries sprinkled on top of the 'cakes

maple syrup drizzled super sparingly

mix all ingredients (except the blueberries and maple syrup) enough so that the batter is uniform but still very, very lumpy. love the lumps!
heat skillet on medium for a few seconds on the stovetop and use as tiny a dab of butter as you can (i think i used equivalent of 1/4 tsp, but I have a very well seasoned skillet - this is key).
use a 1/4 cup measure to scoop batter and dollop into the skillet. sprinkle blueberries if you forgot to throw some in the batter as i ALWAYS forget to do.
watch the 'cakes get a bit bubbly (they won't bubble as much as white-flour buttermilk pancakes do) and after a minute or so you should be able to flip no problem.
flip and cook another minute, max, et voila!
transfer to a plate, strategically sprinkle a modest little bit of maple syrup around the pancakes and DIG IN.

I got 3 generous pancakes out of half the batter, to fulfill my breakfast diet guidelines (with a side dish of veggies, lol).

YUUUUUM. can't wait for tomorrow!

[second disclaimer: because these seem decadent, and because there is that tiny bit of salt and butter and the blueberries aren't exactly mandated for breakfast, I am going to think of these as a guilt-free pcp INDULGENCE and i have a feeling Patrick will agree. I think I can make a single morning's batch easily and only have it once every few weeks when I need a pickmeup. In this case, it worked perfectly as such.]

Day 44, Mmmm...

2010-07-14T07:51:00.000-07:00

oh my god...

2010-07-13T20:22:00.000-07:00

breakfast diet: carbs, egg, milk....

I CAN MAKE PANCAKES!!!?!!??!!?!!

I can't believe it didn't occur to me until now!

I can make them with some grated zucchini in the batter, to add some veg and also some sweetness!

I can have a teeensy treat of maple syrup on them!

I can sprinkle each with a few blueberries (ok I don't have fruit allotment with breakfast but I think a few blueberries is acceptable!).

I can't wait. My god i probably won't be able to sleep tonight.

Obviously, pictures coming asap. This is some strong motivation to get thru that workout and make a super special breakfast!

Has anyone else tried to make them?

i'm going to use whole wheat flour, baking powder, 1 egg, some milk and a nominal amount of salt. will report back on proper recipe guidelines once i have a final product!

AAAAHHHH so excited!

and you know what this means - FRENCH TOAST IS ALSO AN OPTION.

i've been living under a breakfast rock for 43 days! the shame!

Day 43, New week & Naoko!

2010-07-13T16:32:00.001-07:00

Biggest news: today I met Naoko!!

It was wonderful - Naoko is even more spirited in person than on her blog! She looks amazing - Naoko, I would swear you're not a day over 35 years old!! - very fit, great posture, ready for anything. (she took the picture of us with her camera, so check back on her blog to see us together!)

And it's the first time I've seen someone visiting NYC wearing such high heels, and not complaining about it! Incredible! haha

In other news, today I finally got emotional during the workout. For some reason I felt that today was the hardest day yet. Maybe it's because of the recent climbing (went twice this weekend) that my body didn't feel quite up to the challenge, or maybe it's just getting harder, but whatever it was I was groaning and almost-crying all over the place (and i'm not much of a crier). I think I need to be focusing on getting to the fail point more, in all the exercises. Sometimes I don't get there, and I think i'm getting too used to that. I certainly got there with shoulders today, and with push ups my goodness! the chest dips are difficult for me because I can't tell if i'm working my chest or my arms. i'm trying to focus on the chest but I've never worked that muscle in the past so it's a bit foreign to me.

Also, new pictures up! I'm so glad I realized how I can prop up the camera in my bedroom. the lighting is so much better! what a moron that I was doing it in the dining room before. moron.

Another pound lost this week - puts me at 11 pounds total gone. pretty cool.

Day 42, Exhale

2010-07-12T06:04:00.000-07:00

Phew. Thank goodness that week is over.

I think that was the worst post-vacation week ever! Rather than try to ride out the wave of relaxation and rest that I had going after the glorious 8 days in Wisconsin, I came back to long work days and evening meetings, lots of running around trying to do a few favors for people, not nearly enough time for sleep or food prep, and it all cumulated in yesterday's Tour de Queens bike ride that my organization produces.

Yay for Queens!

Boo for exhaustion!

(heehee)

So the tour was fine, went well and everything, and there were a few really great parts.

First, it was very tough to wake up at 4am after a midnight bedtime (hyperscheduled on Saturday too!). But, I do love riding before sunrise, so that was nice (though a fast ride for an hour at 4am after 4 hours sleep isn't exactly ideal). The best thing about the tour was that I was super smart and brought my pcp stuff to do the workout between when we see the riders off and wait for their return! Aside from organizing the site a bit, we have about 2 hours of downtime (where I wait nervously by my phone for any emergency calls), so despite my exhaustion I did it, and I think I didn't freak my coworkers out too much...

After the tour I had a blast watching the world cup final, though I had a kind of salt crisis during the game. I think I was severely dehydrated (had been outside ALL day in 90+ degree heat, plus bike sprint in the AM and PCP workout in the middle of it all), and I had a few big handfuls of salted nuts/goldfish/chex mix. I felt desperate for salt, and I was also chugging water all day. I was kind of in a food desert situation, but I also managed to have 2 bananas and milk. I know none of that is PCP ideal but it was a rough day and earlier I had a great breakfast wrap, a good fruit snack and some fish and veggies for lunch - the main problem is that I hadn't had any carbs for lunch - i purely ran out at home and had zero time to figure it out before I had to get myself to bed.

So then finally after the match (and after consoling my devastated Dutch friend a bit), we rode leisurely back to Brooklyn where I promptly showered (best. shower. ever.) and collapsed. Smartest move ever to do the workout earlier! There was negator chance of me doing anything physical when I got home 14 hours after departing for the day.

Interesting situation, however: I still wanted the salt and something crunchy. I thought on this for a little while and I decided that what I should do is develop a good homemade water cracker recipe for times when I need a bit of a crunchy treat. It's way better than going nuts and having any dangerous tortilla chips, or any other processed/packaged items, and that way I can satisfy the craving in a way that still helps me to achieve my goals. Obviously I'd like to get over this craving completely, but maybe this will help me do so? I dunno, but worth a try I think.

So I made my first attempt! Check it out:

Ok, now that picture doesn't exactly look appetizing. But, they are good! First attempt at save-me-from-my-craving crackers involved:

whole wheat flour

water

dried thyme

a little salt (1/2 tsp)

a little olive oil (1 tbsp)

sprinkled sesame seeds on top

I mixed it all together, spread the dough out on a greased cookie sheet, baked for 13 minutes, et voila! I broke the crackers up after cooling and they were fine. I think I can improve a bit on the dough and I will post updates, but it was a great start, as I had a couple and felt satisfied and I still have a ton left. I think I will have some for part of my lunch carbs today, as a treat.

Finally, check out my other new favorite thing:

I miss wine glasses as much as I miss wine, so this is how I'm enjoying my evening milk these days (and yes, those are ice cubes in the milk - it's hot out here in nyc, yo!).

Ok, off to re-enter the world. Thankfully I have the day off today, and it's a jumps only day (which I've already done). I'm going to go climbing again, then to a city pool to float around, then some serious grocery shopping (food co-op will be empty - score!), and finally --glory of all glory-- at 4pm I have my massage. YESSSS!

Happy Monday to all - here's to the start of a new PCP week!

Lesson learned, point taken

2010-07-09T19:34:00.000-07:00

Apparently I still can't be trusted around tortilla chips.

Despite my intention to only have 2 or 3 at this guacamole party tonight, I think I had more like 10 or 12.

Now, granted I normally would've probably had 40, so this is an improvement on pre-PCP life. But, it wasn't what I had mindfully set out to do and therefore it was not a peak condition situation!

So, that's ok. Life's too short to get upset about 10 or 12 tortilla chips, and it's good to know that I still need to get myself in some mental peak condition too. Also the chips weren't spectacular, as I could've predicted. It was more about the salt and the crunch and the feeling of eating them. I should've thought back to Indulgence #1 and remembered how powerful this sensation is for me, and how hard it is for me to stop once I start. Especially when I'm at a party where I don't know a lot of people, and especially when I'm over tired, and especially when I have a weekend of many hours of work ahead of me that I'm resenting and dreading a bit. I'm more aware of myself than this!

Ok, enough of berating the self. I think I'll give myself some kudos in the end because I DID stop eating the chips and I did reign myself in and I did NOT let it send me into a whirlwind of unlawful eating (there's that word again...). Instead, I biked home, which felt good. I literally and figuratively moved on.

Day 39, I Heart PCP, and weekly anecdotes

2010-07-09T14:48:00.000-07:00

A variety of drifting thoughts, coming to the surface here:

Workouts this week are killer, but while feeling that they're more intense I also feel like I'm doing a better job of getting thru them in a fluid, efficient way. Before PCP I used to do pilates a lot, and it was always a goal to be fluid and graceful and to have more of a constant flow in my exercising, rather than starting and stopping and being jerky. It's nice to see that I'm getting to that point with our PCP workouts too. Yay for progress!

Another turning point: I've had these mini moments this week where I hear that mean voice ("Why does it have to be this hard and restrictive to get the body you want?! uhhh!"). The funny response that has been helping me quickly move on from those thoughts is thinking of the creep exercises. I've really embraced this sentiment: getting to Peak Condition isn't something that happens in big strides, or with huge drastic gestures (though of course in the end the whole process looks like a huge drastic gesture). The key to getting out of the unhealthy yo-yo diet/exercise labyrinth is the creep. Creep toward the goal, little by little, and before you know it you're 2 dress sizes smaller, you don't recognize your legs, and you sneak into your office bathroom to check out the definition in your shoulders. Woop woop!

Next, update on gas: I have a lot of it. My friends and family can attest to this always being an issue for me, but now it's so much different! usually it isn't as stinky anymore! And now it doesn't signal stomach trouble the way it used to. A friend once said to me that she likes having gas because it makes her feel like she's losing weight and deflating. Meditate on that one next time you're annoyed with all the flatulence!

Work Challenge: this sunday is our Tour de Queens. I have to be up at 4am to scarf down some food and bike furiously to the start. Unlike Tour de Brooklyn, I won't have time to do my exercises before the whole ordeal, but check out my plan! Once the tour leaves the start there is about 2 hours of down time when we prepare for the finish and reorganize the set-up and mostly wait around praying that no one calls to report a crash. I'm going to bring my rope, resistance bands and the exercises and do them there! Score! Who cares if i'm sweaty - i'll be sweaty anyway, and this way I can shower and collapse when I get home and not worry about it.

Ok, I'm off to a rooftop sunset margarita guacamole party that friends have every year. I'm going to have 2 tortilla chips with the guac, zero margaritas, and lots of seltzer with lime. Mostly I'm excited to catch up with my sous-chef bff (wink wink, M.S.!) and watch the sun set over the Hudson River.

Oh one more thing!
I think I've mentioned it but one of my "after PCP" ideas for staying in peak condition while also having FUN is to start climbing. I'm jumpstarting that plan tomorrow and going to a climbing gym in Brooklyn to check it out - so excited! Maybe it will help me with the pull up goal, too.
Bonus: I scored 50% discount for me and a friend, and I might make a great business connection with the owners and start a cool partnership for members of the organization I work at. Peak Condition all around!

Happy weekend to all.

Day 37, Happy Birthday to my Mom!

2010-07-07T20:05:00.000-07:00

Today was my mom's birthday - yaaay!

Unfortunately, we've all been so crazed since returning from Wisconsin on Monday that we didn't really plan anything. We didn't even bake our family birthday cake!! Though, better for me in the end that we didn't have the cake, as the cake that our family makes for birthdays has a firm, never-relaxing grip on my heart (PCP can't touch this, which I think is fine). Here's a photo of one I baked earlier this year:

It's a German poppyseed cake (no lemon or any nonsense!) with dark chocolate frosting, 2 layers with a generous middle frosting layer. It is my favorite thing to the point where I refer to the longest time between our family members' birthdays as "The Dark Ages" because we have to go so long without the cake. It's intense, and it's probably best for me to stop thinking or writing about it NOW.

Anyway, the good news is that my mom loved the gift we got her - a framed print of her favorite New Yorker cartoon - and I did a fun feat of strength by rigging up the huge box onto my bike so that I could ride uptown with it and not go into the sweltering subway tunnel. Success! My bike ride home was lovely, after the birthday "festivities" - it's cooler along the river so I took the greenway and it was a pretty, long, relaxing ride.

In other news, I'm loving the workouts this week! The jumps are getting a little monotonous, but I think I'm also just coming down from how awesome the pier jumping was, so it'll take some getting used to to be doing these workouts in my apt again rather than out on the open water. Pistol squats are killer, but they feel good (in that bad/good way), and I'm rocking the planks. they're hard, but I did a lot of planks before PCP so I've had the mental part of it figured out for a while - that's the key to getting thru them.

Pull-up update: I still can't do one of the damn things. But I can do about 1/3 of one, at least!

Cool thing to look forward to: I made a massage appointment for day 42! wahoooo! I love my masseuse (she is a HEALER, seriously), and I usually try to get a massage every 6 weeks (i think of it as Patrick explained our sleeping - it's part of the training!). Unfortunately, I can't afford to get one once a week as I'd like to, but that's an eventual life goal. Anyway, this Sunday is the next big bike tour that my organization runs (remember the last one?); this time it's the Tour de Queens! It'll be another crazy exhausting day, so I scheduled the massage for the next day, to give some well-earned relief on the work front but also to celebrate being roughly half-way thru the PCP by then. I haven't had a massage since just before the PCP began - I wonder if she will notice the change!

Day 36, New Photos and back in BK

2010-07-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

Well the vacation is most certainly over!

Returned back to Brooklyn late last night to this insane heat wave we're apparently having here. 100+ degrees F! F is right! Me and my moral condescension are sweating together in my AC-less apartment and I'm really missing that lake right about now...sigh.

But I still did the workout (despite having a heat-induced nightmare that I would miss day 36 workout, for some reason)! I was sweating buckets but it felt good, and I just imagined I was on the pier still, rather than looking out my window at the 4 hair salons across the street.

So, most exciting thing is that new pictures are up and I'm very pleased with the results of vacation PCP week! Remember the jeans I mentioned weeks ago? The ones I've only ever fit into for a day or two, during an emotional time in life, years ago? Well, tried them on first thing this AM and they fit! comfortably! I was going to take a picture in them but it's too fracking hot to stay in them for more than a minute, so maybe next week.

Anyway, very excited to see what the next 54 days bring, after all this change that we're all experiencing after only one measly month.

P.S. Check out my "just got back from vacation to an empty fridge" PCP breakfast today:

(it was actually pretty delicious!)

And one last aside:

As our family vacation came to a close, my dad told me yesterday that he's going to dig his jump rope out of his closet and start jumping! Then, my cousin told me that she tried 2% organic milk and liked it (I'd been raving all week about how delicious the milk is). While it feels wonderful to change my own habits, it's awesome to see others taking an interest, too!

Ok, must go to work now. Back to regular life...

Day 33, Abs and whatnot

2010-07-03T16:21:00.000-07:00

Today Patrick's email came at the perfect time. I was lounging in the hammock, already having finished my jumps and exercises earlier, and it was a good time to get up and go do the 8 minute abs. But, I had that "oh but you already worked so hard" feeling, and thought "you could just do it tomorrow..." So I decided to check in on the pcp email and immediately after the lesson on all that muscles do for us I jumped up and went to conquer the 8 minute ab guy. Best part about it: I invited my sister to join me, and she did! It was much more fun doing it with her, and I think we got a double ab workout at times from laughing at the cheesy video and music (bonus!).

Not much else to report. So far on this vacation I've finished 3 novels and 1 New Yorker. I'm in deep relaxation mode and that feels good, especially in conjunction with PCP workouts and eating fabulously. The weird dinner continues to be a bit sad, as we sit down to family meals every night, but I'm starting to not really care anymore so that's good. Plus, on Monday it's back to life in Brooklyn so I'll be able to be weird all by my lonesome. mwhahaha!

I'm loving all of your blogs, you PCP lovies out there. Glad to see everyone forging ahead despite hiccups and mood swings along the way - it's funny how much this community helps me as this project continues. Love it love it!

Day 32, Jumping faster skiing stronger

2010-07-02T13:11:00.000-07:00

Revelation: I can jump faster.

Yesterday, on the pier, I watched more bald eagles doing some very cool flying and I got all energetic and randomly started jumping faster without thinking about it. Soon I realized I could keep it going and it wasn't that hard, just required a little bit more focus. I'm a jumping machine! Try it if you haven't yet - double time, little jumps, it feels sexaaaayyy!

Ok, back to my overall PCP theme of living an Active Life in today's post, with some highlight pictures of Wednesday's waterskiing fun!

My sister and I love to double ski (we sing as we ski...very fun). Here we are, ready to go!

Up up and away!

Show offs.

And here's me out there, solo.

I love skiing!

Yearly water skiing is always a good test of how strong/fat/thin/tired/energetic I am. Not surprisingly, this year I shot out of the water easier than ever before - it truly pays to be getting so strong!! My legs got pretty tired when i slalomed, but I had done the PCP workout before skiing so i was a little tired to begin with.

All in all, a great ski outing for 2010. Let's hope I have an even better showing next summer too!

P.S. Welcome to the new PCPers!!! I can't believe we're already welcoming the new group, when I feel like we're still in our infancy - so crazy how this project is flying by. I'll get around to reading and commenting on all your blogs soon!

Day 29, New pictures & what a view!

2010-06-29T15:40:00.000-07:00

So, the "what a view" comment in the title of today's post is for the view of the LAKE up here in Wisconsin, not for my pcp-aspiring body - lest you get the wrong opinion. And so alas, here is what I'm jumping to this week:

Sigh. A bit better than the view out my brooklyn window of 4 hair salons all in a row...

So, I took it easy up here today - lots of time in the sun, I finished my novel, chatted with my cousins. minimal movement outside of the PCP workout and some light chores. I'd say less activity than when I'm at home (i.e. no bike commute), but I think that's ok as it's the whole point of this vacation - rest rest rest!

Speaking of rest, another 10 hours of sleep last night! woohoooo! had some crazy dreams! in one, i went to a play where one of my old boyfriends was unexpectedly the lead, and where he then fed me figs and pickled beets in front of everyone as part of the show! whooooaaaa. I guess that's your answer to the "how's pcp effecting your thoughts about sex?" question, Patrick! haha!

Anyway, not much else to report. I'm excited to have the lighter dinner of fruit and milk and egg whites tonight. This past week I've felt that I'm developing more muscle for sure, but not necessarily shedding the fat as much, so my theory is that the dinner & evening snack variation to this week's diet will change that. we shall see!

Oh! New workouts this week are wicked awesome! Love the 1-2 punch on legs and back and abs - feels good and i'm really slammed by the end of it, but it leaves me very energized - such a great difference from those days of running that just left me feeling worn out. Lately I can't stop preaching and thinking about how much better these workouts feel, in so many ways, than the long runs and monotonous swims of my past. I do love swimming, but it got really boring after 2 years of my own sets and drills without a team or water polo (which I used to play in high school). I agree with Jenny and Tara though - swimming is where it's at in terms of feel-good exercise. Up here I've just been frolicking in the lake (more like floating than swimming) and it just feels fantastic. Good for the soul!

Speaking of the soul, I'm going to get some awesome soul-boosting fun tomorrow when we spend the day water-skiing! Will definitely have pictures to share, so stay tuned!

Day 28, Four week mark! Holy shiz!

2010-06-28T16:05:00.000-07:00

GO TEAM SEXAAAY!!!!

I can't believe it's been 4 weeks!!!!! I am so excited that we still have 8 to go, especially because you all look amazing and if this is only 1/3 of our progress i can't wait to see what we all look like come day 90!!

Things are better today here in the woods. Maybe yesterday's annoyance was my final city angst, working itself out (much like that last pimple patrick told us about, before his beautiful pcp skin - an experience i'm having verbatim, btw!). Anyway, today has been great. Had 10 hours of sleep again last night - ah-maze-ingggg. And, today my cousin and her husband arrived and i love love love them so we will have a fun few days!

I wonder how people will react tomorrow when I sit at dinner with my apple, banana and egg whites, but whatever! i'm going to tell them to feel my abs! or maybe i'll just show them the pictures of me on day 1. :-P

oh, and new pictures coming up tomorrow! this time they will be great, since i'll have my sister help with the lighting and set up. wahooo!

hope you're all doing well this week and enjoying the feelings of success. i know i've said it before, but pcp is really rocking my world. thank you patrick and chen for this program!!!!

Day 27, up in the woods!

2010-06-27T18:58:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone!

This post will be quick, as it's dusk and I'm sitting outside the public library in our little town here, utilizing their strong wireless signal (the library itself is closed). Mosquitos in full force! Must type fast!

So, I have to admit that so far this vacation is not the PCP mecca experience I thought it would be. Well, let me amend that - the workouts ARE. I am jumping on the pier (will post a picture tomorrow, promise) and the view is stunning and it must be effecting and also coinciding with a jumping breakthru because i feel like I can jump forever! and i'm not tripping up too much. The rest of the workouts are going super well and with the new moves I'm a little sore again which feels good.

It's the food part that's challenging up here on this family vacation. First there was shock at everything I was picking out at the grocery store (how many times can i possibly say "I swear, I am going to eat all of this, I'm not just being weird!"??). And then it's just been a semi-constant string of comments or questions about what i'm eating, when i'm eating, what i'm going to eat next. I guess I've been in a lucky bubble at home, living alone, not having to explain myself too much. But as much as I think about the PCP, I realize now that I'm not thinking about the food as much as I'm thinking about its wonderful effects, and as much as I'm thinking about all of you and just how cool this experience is. The food details - yeah I'm enjoying the new recipes and everything's totally delicious, but I don't want to talk about it in detail at every single meal! Argh.

Ugh, it's wearing on me. Tonight I had some italian sausage as my protein, purely because I didn't want to have to explain myself allllll over again to new family members, or make a big deal of preparing something different. It was only 60g or so, so I'm not too worried, but there are going to be a few more family dinners so i need to just be PCP and try not to let it bother me (you'll be happy to know that I roasted veggies separately from the big family batch though, so as to control the salt and oil situations).

I guess that's my only report for now. Feels like kind of a downer post, but I'm feeling that way a bit. Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit better, and in the meantime I'm focusing on how awesome the jump view is up here in the northwoods...

one great thing: 10 hours of sleep. yeah baby!!!!

Day 25, Indulgence - meh, but then a strange thing happened

2010-06-25T16:58:00.000-07:00

So the rumored indulgence email arrived yesterday, and I'll be honest I was not ready to see it! I've just recently felt like I'm really at a turning point, really getting into the groove of this new routine, this new eat-as-part-of-your-training thing. I haven't craved anything in a real physical way, so the indulgence seemed like more of an emotional thing for me - something I've enjoyed not thinking about too much these past few weeks. So, I had fitful sleep last night--I'm sure it was in part due to anxiety over the indulgence, and then of course also fretting over all I had to do today before this vacation. So after dreading the indulgence all morning and after wasting WAY too much mental energy trying to figure out what the heck to have, I landed on one random item and one old favorite.

The random item:

weird! I probably have a snickers once every 5 years, if even that. Why would I choose it for the first indulgence time in 25 days?! Well, for one, after a friend suggested it yesterday, I couldn't stop thinking about it. And secondly, I wanted to really INDULGE, and eat something totally off the beaten path. At first I reached for a modest mini bar of dark chocolate, but I thought, SCREW IT. let's go for the big guns.

Summary: it was pretty delicious at first. Then quickly became overwhelmingly sweet and I could only eat 2/3 of it in total.

Second half of my indulgence:

ohhhh how I used to love these super-crunchy, salty, simply delicious chips!

And guess what: they definitely hit on some satisfaction spot within me. they were salty, yes, but it was really the crunch that I used to get enjoyment from, and I totally enjoyed it today. Now, I think i was pretty good - the bag of pita chips was small and only 200 calories, and then the 2/3 of snickers bar was probably another 200 or something around that. and sun was at full height, Patrick!

And after I finished the indulgence I thought, meh. No big revelation, no big reaction. My stomach was fine, and I didn't even get sleepy or anything like that (though I also just purely couldn't afford to, with all that I had to do at work today).

But the interesting side effect of the indulgence just happened now, circa 8pm (hours after the indulgence). I just got home from the food co-op (where I had to get some fruit and eggs and milk to tide me over for tonight and in the morning and during my travels tomorrow). I'm exhausted, and VERY thirsty from the salty indulgence, and did I mention tired? I still have to do laundry, and clean some things up at my apartment, and make a cab reservation for the morning.

All to say I'm still a little stressed, and worn out, and feeling the familiar urge to satiate all of that with a full stomach (I truly believe that if I hadn't had the indulgence earlier I wouldn't have felt this urge!). So before I knew it I ate like a bazillion grapes. It was as if I couldn't stop! I think I just needed to drink water, but they were sweet and quenched my thirst and I just kept going. I probably had 500g of grapes! maybe even MORE.

Not. Good.

Now of course, better it be grapes than the tortilla chips of my past. I'll allow for that and celebrate it, even. but the behavior was still there, and it was totally triggered by those hateful pita chips and their crazy crunch (and interesting that they really don't have much taste - i noticed that today for the first time. it's really just the salt and the crunch that I seem drawn to - so odd when I'm very taste-focused, in general). and guess what? I still have to do laundry, and clean my apartment, and make the cab reservation, and go to sleep for a few meager hours before a 4am wake up. So did the grapes solve my problems? of course not!

sigh.

the next indulgence is going to be different, now that I've hyper-experienced what those awful non-food packaged foods do to me. Were it cheese or wine or other natural and delicious indulgence items I think I would just feel pleasantly spoiled for a little while, and able to move on with no negative behavioral side effects. Well, we shall see about that come time for The Indulgence, round 2, but that's my theory for now.

I'm moving on. I'm getting foods ready for travel day tomorrow so that I don't get stuck in any bad situations. And, I think my rule for myself in Wisconsin is no more unlawful anythings, even bananas or "good" things. Unlawful is unlawful! Sure it's a cute word for cheating, but it's still cheating!

Ok, self-lecture over. Going to do the dreaded laundry now. Oh to have washer/dryer "in unit"... someday...

Day 24, So hot out

2010-06-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

Well I've just taken a cold shower and here I am sitting in my dining room sweating. futile effort! Luckily I'm not lugging around those 9 pounds I had three weeks ago - that couldn't have made anything feel cooler.

Anyway, that's the state of things in Brooklyn. It's been a long week, and thankfully I am taking after Deborah and Royce and getting the F out of town! I realized today that I haven't taken a proper vacation in SEVEN MONTHS. And did I mention I routinely work 50 - 60 hour weeks? What have I been thinking?! Well, no need to dwell on the past - the point is that I'm departing suuuper early Saturday morning for the northwoods of Wisconsin, where we have a family "home base" of sorts, and where all my stress melts away like the fat on my hips. Oh I can't wait. Really really feeling the tug. I'll be there for a glorious 10 days, during which i'll probably read many novels, sleep 12 - 14 hours a night (that's my average, when I'm up there!), bike around, play ping pong when it rains, continue to cook and eat like a PCP rockstar, and spend all kinds of quality time with my family. Oh, and I'm hoping to go barefoot for 90% of the time up there. I'm going to do my workouts on the pier overlooking the lake! (I'll post pictures, don't worry!) and after workouts I get to rip off my clothes and have a skinny dip (will NOT be posting pictures of that!). I'll be blogging from the funny/cheesy coffee shop in "town" called Brew Moon, or from our neighbors' driveway as they have internet but we, thankfully, do not.

I think PCP will be easy to maintain up there, for the most part, since I usually treat my time there as detox from crazy eating and drinking in NYC. And the best part of food prep up there: dishwasher!! watch out! can't wait for that one.

So blah blah I'm excited. I'll post more about it later, but suffice it to say that I achieve balance by recharging my batteries up there a few times a year and I'm woefully low on juice right now.

...but one thing today made me incredibly happy... I got to meet Deborah!!

Here's proof:

It was fantastic! Deborah is even more lovely in person than on her blog, and it was righteously cool (and a bit crazy) to have some in-person Team SEXAAAY time! We had iced coffees and I was SO bummed to have to go back to work after a measly hour or so. Deb - I felt we could've gabbed for hours!

Can't wait to meet Tara and Naoko too, and anyone else who descends upon the city! Then eventually we'll have to have a PCP party on Saturna, of course, now that Royce has introduced us all to the garden of eden over there...

Ok, gotta go sit in front of the fan and think coooool thoughts.

p.s. i had an unlawful banana!

Day 23, So many temptations...

2010-06-23T17:34:00.000-07:00

This has been a temptation-filled week!

First of all, this is the first week-before-my-period week on the PCP. I think it's going well - not going nuts, not eating bags of tortilla chips dipped in chocolate ice cream (ok i only did that once, and it was incredible-for the record), and at least trying not to dwell on negative things. It doesn't help, however, that there seem to be more temptations around me than normal. Have I mentioned that we have free beer at my office? and it's good beer, reeeaaaaallly good beer.

Other snacks out, up for grabs at my office this week: fruit tart (more tart than fruit), chocolate cake, tortilla chips, potato chips, pretzels, more pretzels, gummy bears, crackers, cheese.

!!!

These were some of my favorite snack items, and if I had never discovered PCP I probably would've eaten all of the above and then some!

I'm glad I'm not indulging, in the short-term, because of how all that food upsets my stomach and screws up my skin and makes me sleepy and gross-feeling. Long-term, of course, I'm glad because I've committed to PCP and it feels good to stick with it.

Now here's a funny example of how much I'm used to falling off the health wagon: so yesterday there was the fruit tart and the chocolate cake and the chips and the crackers and the cheese. There were two meetings during which some of this was out for the taking. Now, luckily, during one meeting there were also strawberries and cherries, and during the second meeting there were grapes and melon and berries...I gave in and had unlawful fruit at both meetings. I was feeling so weak, and especially at the second meeting, which was at 7pm waaaay up in the Bronx, I was worried that I'd just be overcome with hunger by the time I got to my food at home.

I felt guilty on some level, but I also felt proud that if I strayed from the daily plan then it was in the best direction it could've been. but then guess what? I had nightmares all last night about how I'd screwed up the PCP and had all this junk food and completely blown it. I had to talk myself off the ledge this morning and remind myself that we're talking about some cherries and melon here!!!

I think I've officially internalized the commitment to PCP, is what I'm trying to say.

Ok, now for some workout notes:

I still can't do a fracking real pull-up! I can ALMOST do a half one, but barely. Ugh. It's hard to imagine I'll ever be able to do one, let alone a whole set, but I'll keep trying.

The full push ups are killer, in an awesome way. I love push ups - they make me feel so strong! I need to focus on keeping my head up though, and on going a little farther down into the sweet spot.

In response to Patrick's last email about getting thru sets, here are some [odd] strategies I've developed, without really thinking about it:

On the second-to-last set for each exercise I count down rather than up. Something about this change helps me know I'm nearing the end and that it's time to really push.

During ab sets I have this weird thing that I do after each one. I say the following, out loud:

SET NUMBER 1, DONE!

SET NUMBER 2, GO YOU!

SET NUMBER 3, ALMOST FREE

there's nothing official for after the last set, but i think usually it's something like "oh thank god."

And finally, on the food front, another visual diary for your enjoyment:

Sweet potato and Cauliflower with curry; Tilapia, lemon juice and parsley

Baked potato madness!

Potato, roasted tomatoes, carmelized onions, parsley.

Breakfast Bibimbop!

Brown rice, avocado, poached egg, carmelized onions

Best. PCP. Treat. EVER.

I have discovered PCP heaven. You too can experience pure decadent PCP joy.

Frozen banana + milk + cinnamon + immersion blender = better than ice cream frozen tasty goodness treat.

One last fun note to leave on: tomorrow I get to meet Deborah in person! We are going for coffee (not wine, don't worry Patrick!) and I can't wait. So funny how this program has brought us strangers together in such a great way. I'll bring my camera to our rendez-vous!

Day 22, new pictures up!

2010-06-22T05:46:00.000-07:00

Wow, can't believe 3 weeks have gone by already! I lost 1 pound this week, which, after 4 pounds in the 2 weeks before, seems like not a lot, but it's probably more normal (and maybe I've gained some muscle?). All in all feeling good though, and I haven't been hungry at all.

Productive morning so far! Took the pictures (I really wish I could figure out the lighting a bit better!), roasted some brussels sprouts while I did the workout (this is the best thing about working out at home - almost every morning I have some kind of food preparing while I sweat. So efficient!

Off to shower and roll into the city. Congratulations Team SEXAAAY on a totally awesome first 3 weeks!!

p.s. i don't see the new picture appearing on the little flickr box on the blog. Is something weird?

Day 21, Thank you Fred The Chicken for helping me get to the PEAK!

2010-06-21T18:20:00.000-07:00

This is Fred:

He had feet, and I had to hack them off with a big knife!

Or worse yet, I first had to kind of break his legs and then hack.

Ew, right? How terrible of me!

But you know, I'm a big believer of the chicken roasting prep ritual. It's unpleasant but then also kind of pleasant, it feels freaky, and it's brought me to almost-tears more than once. Now that I've roasted my share of birds, I just kind of coo to it as I get it ready for the pan; I thank it for giving me food (and in the case of Fred, I specifically thanked him for helping me get to the PEAK. I tried to explain the project to him; I hope he understands).

The thing is, it's pretty amazing to be part of the food chain. I feel like these first few weeks of PCP have really illuminated my place in that food chain. When you're making everything from scratch you realize just how much work it really is - and we have it easy! we don't have to actually go FIND the food, or KILL it. And though I've never done it I assume that de-feathering a bird is an even bigger chore than trussing and stuffing and slippin' some garlic and herbs under the skin. I'm appreciative of all of that, believe me, and I'm also developing an entirely new sense of awe for our ancestors.

Here he is again, just for tribute's sake (that's pepper on him, not salt don't worry!):

(Nice trussing, huh?!)

So this time I didn't do my customary Thomas Keller style roasted chicken (in which I slather it with salt hours beforehand, then roast for 45 minutes at as high a heat as I can get it, inevitably setting off the smoke alarm and making my oven filthy). So, we'll see how this turns out. Instead, I stuffed the cavity with parsley, thyme and basil, plugged with this lovely organic lemon. More thyme in the skin, and garlic cloves all over the place.

The thing that impresses me so much about Fred is that I will get my protein from him for the rest of the week. So economical...so handy...so used-t0-be-alive. sigh.

I wonder if I'll ever be a fish-only person or a vegetarian. Probably not. Why? Well, I once ate horse. I KNOW! It sounds like I feasted on Flicka or something, but I was in Canada and it wasn't frowned upon!

Also, want to hear a non-secret? It was the most delicious meat I've ever had.

I did feel, however, that I'd taken one big irreversible step toward cannibalism, somehow. Oh well. It was a pretty cool experience. And, for the record, i'll NEVER eat dog.

That's all for today. Pretty excited about Day 22 pictures tomorrow as I'm feeling lighter and stronger, though I don't know if I'll rock the boy shorts as i have been somewhat remiss in doing laundry. d'oh! Maybe a quick hand washing tonight will be worth it...

Ok, gotta go flip Fred!

Day 19, PCP Food Porn...

2010-06-19T12:34:00.001-07:00

Some food highlights from this week so far:

Greek yogurt with parsley, cilantro, mint, thyme, basil, lemon juice, cayenne pepper!

Breakfast burrito!

Scrambled eggs and broccolette, avocado, chapati

Breakfast burrito, assembled and ready to eat!

Whipped sweet potatoes (with lime and cayenne)

Fusilli with ground turkey and a sauce of mushrooms, leeks, parsley, dried tomatoes.

My goal for next week is to get a bit more creative with protein, but for now I'm enjoying simple grilled fish with lemon or lime juice, and ground turkey. I think the turkey is making me sleepy though, so I need to get chicken more often!

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend!

Day 18, no topic

2010-06-18T18:03:00.000-07:00

Hi hi team SEXAAY and all you blog readers out there!

I'm running dry on a theme or some kind of thought to mull over with this post. I have many little thoughts and anecdotes, but not any one overall thing to discuss today. So, I'm just going to do a little rundown of the little bits in my mind. Call it the little bit post. There's your theme.

10 LITTLE BITS:

1. Yesterday I was washing dishes (after all, what else do I do?!) and I was in my undies (not an AC person) and I looked down and almost dropped a big pan because I didn't recognize my own legs. They're taking on new shape! Inner thighs, way to get with the program! Quads, nice curve you've got going there! I'm trying not to get too vain about this, but it's pretty wild.

2. Another thing on legs: the skin on my thighs feels tighter. I don't really know how best to explain that but it just does. It's smoother to the touch and there's a firmness behind it that definitely wasn't there before. COOL.

3. I love milk, 2% in particular. After growing up in a skim milk household, I've never really had milk in my home as an adult (because I didn't think it was anything special). But oh, sweet delicious creamy joyful 2% how you've rocked my dairy world!

4. Jumping is getting easier and more fun! Thankfully, my buddy, ASQ, made me a slamburger of a mix for working out this week. And, he's pledged to make me a new mix for every week of the PCP! This first one "was designed with an asymptotic trajectory in mind". I feel pretty special because of this (and also extra motivated!).

5. Another jumping anecdote: i'm up to sets of 300 jumps before taking a few breaths break. Can't do that many without tripping up but can almost do 200 without tripping. Of course then i'll trip once every 10 jumps after a big uninterrupted run but so is life, right?

6. My legs didn't burn once during my bike ride to or from work today. Usually i get a little burn while going over the Manhattan Bridge - maybe this is because of more muscle?! If so, this is very awesome because my 'special thing' that i'm focusing on during this project is getting stronger and healthier to keep living my active life. This is the exact kind of improvement I was hoping to see!

7. Today i was tempted not once, but twice with my most beloved of salty foods, plain crunchy delicious salted yellow tortilla chips. I am still sad that I couldn't have any, but I'm moving on.

8. I have WAY less gas than I used to. There, I said it. This is a BIG one because sometimes, before, I'd just have out of control constant gas. I always assumed it was from having packaged, processed foods, and this totally confirms it. Hallelulia!

9. I have a few auxillary goals for this me-time-PCP-time. One is to get more houseplants and have healthier air at home. Tomorrow I am going to get a new plant! Pictures to come, soon.

10. I'm starting to think of all the fun things I want to do after PCP comes to a close, especially with a healthier, fitter body. Here's the list of potential activities so far: Climbing! Or bouldering, whatever it's called - the thing you do with a climbing wall! Camping and hiking in Upstate NY! Capoeira (maybe)!

ok, that's all for now. Happy weekends all!

Day 17, A Peek[peak?] at The Honest Truth

2010-06-17T18:15:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been rollercoaster craziness at my office. Many things are happening (many things are always happening - we are a successful, totally crazed non-profit!), but lately it's enough to set your head spinning. Instead, my head spun immediately in the direction of FOOD. When disaster #1 struck, I went to get a coffee with a coworker but my god all I wanted was one of every pastry they had. When disaster #2 struck I thought of chocolate ice cream, pizza, potato chips. Disaster #3 circled back to baked goods - brownies, specifically.

Where was my stomach in all of this? Not involved. It was happily shrinking, enjoying its milk and chapatis and avocados and fruit. Interesting.

This is probably the first time that I've had repeated days of the toxic mix, frustration/boredom/anger/sadness/nervousness, without busying my hands and face with eating anything and everything in sight to try and calm myself down.

How'd it go?

Well, at first it was just plain embarrassing. It was such a knee-jerk reaction, it was literally muscle memory to get up and seek out some ridiculous food treat in reaction to a bad situation. Had I really been behaving this way?? Survey says yes, missy, and thank god you stopped.

Then the next reaction was just a sense of awe at this trick my mind was trying to play with my body. As the bad news kept streaming thru our office, I kept having that knee-jerk reaction to eat. DISTRACT YOURSELF, the mind was saying. IT'S EASIER THIS WAY. The more I resisted it and just focused on the fact that it wasn't an option, the more I almost enjoyed just watching these thoughts try to move me to action (with no result, of course! PCP 4eva!). I even got almost proud of this misguided mind of mine - it was only trying to help me thru a difficult situation, ease the pain a bit in the short term after all. Too little, too soon, Ms. Mind.

So what now? Well, the dust has far from settled on the not-great times ahead, but obviously I need to focus on other ways to cope. It certainly takes more energy to come up with a plan for self-preservation and success than it does to eat a bag of potato chips; but, if anything is worth serious effort, then self-preservation and success should be, no?

Day 16, I create, I consume, I clean up

2010-06-16T18:05:00.000-07:00

Thank goodness for the Park Slope Food Coop and its beautiful, abundant organic produce!

Behold, PCP Bounty #2:

I don't know if you can tell from the picture, but this was a challenge to get home via bicycle. A challenge I had no option but to overcome! Picture this: basket, full; huge bag hanging off left handlebar; huge bag hanging off right handlebar; determined, tad bit wobbly, woman at the helm! So I made it home with no spills or bruises (on me or the produce). And the bounty is large and beautiful and filling me with a newfound sense of comfort as it fills my kitchen and fridge with beautiful colors and yummy smells.

This week's menus will feature:

Broccolette egg scramble and avocado in a chapati wrap

Tilapia with parsley, lemon, garlic "relish"

Whipped sweet potatoes with lime (and a dash--or five!--of cayenne)

Chapati pizzettas with carmelized onion sauce and balsamic reduction

Ground turkey & thyme patties

Curried orange cauliflower

Chapati pizzettas with sundried tomato pesto, fresh basil and ground turkey

Bulgur "fantastic" featuring stewed cherry tomatoes

Catfish with cilantro and lime

Penne with leeks and mushrooms

Mediterranean yogurt with garlic, herbs galore and lemon juice

Fruit out the wahzoo: bananas, grapes, plums, peaches, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, cherries!

Many of these recipes and meal ideas are inspired by Molly Katzen's VEGETABLE HEAVEN - I build my own recipes from ideas in this book often and can't recommend it enough for PCP friendly meals. (won't help with the protein, though!)

Ok, moving on lest I become hungry again and have to dirty every dish in my kitchen as I prepare something (becoming a bit of a problem, but that's another post...).

So I've had a busy couple of days. Today also had a curve-ball situation - no time for a morning workout! Because of said Food Coop, I had to do my workshift this morning and I didn't want to sacrifice sleep to work out beforehand, knowing I'd have time to do it this evening. This is hard for me! I usually hate working out later in the day - it gives me all kinds of time to rationalize skipping it, and I'm tired, and usually hungry, and I don't want to have to choose a workout over something with friends or fun. ANYWAY, today it was fine! I don't want to make a habit of it, but knowing that there wasn't an option to not do it helped (I thought of the mule mentality, and then switched to bulldog), and after a particularly INSANE day at work I needed the release. I am with you other PCP superstars - I was a wet piece of loam by the end of the leg lifts. I hope I'm ok to turn around and do it all again so soon in the morning!

On a taste bud note: I think something is happening, already. Everything seems so delicious! I'm savoring all these tastes that I didn't notice before (might be due in part to the fact that I'm eating a much wider variety of foods than I was before), and I'm having so much fun with flavoring without salt or more than a dab of oil! Also, I seem to have begun a serious love affair with milk. So long, ice cream! Hello, real deal.

Day 15, new diet new pics!

2010-06-15T09:56:00.000-07:00

Hi PCP lovies!

So, this morning I decided I would take pictures in a new outfit! I got some boy short undies from Under Armor and they look pretty badass. So, I spent a good 10 minutes trying to find the elusive perfect spot for the pictures, trying to take some where I don't look like I'm on drugs, or halfway out of the frame. (this is another one of those times where roommate/boyfriend situation would come in handy!)
Finally I got a few that I liked.
So what did I do? Oh, just...deleted them!!

So the pictures for today are quick re-dos, in the grey spandex pants that I now really don't like (for a fun reason though - they are too big!). Next week I'll try to rock the badass boy shorts.

Also, food tip: Fresh snap peas (raw) are a delicious, crunchy component for lunch (satiates an urge for crunchy things like, say, potato chips!).

Full and satisfied!

2010-06-13T16:58:00.000-07:00

Photo log of some of today's foodstuffs:

Enjoyed yummy poached eggs on toast and a big iced coffee with my sister this morning. I don't know if I've ever eaten that much bread in one sitting!

Does anyone else have trouble eating plain yogurt? I just can't do it, not yet. So I've been adding a few blueberries and a very frugal drizzle of honey to it. Less than 1 tsp of honey, promise. BONUS: freezing it makes it feel like much more of a treat, and satiates some kind of craving for the coldness of ice cream.

YES! I finally rocked it and found a way to have a 'real' meal with some kind of sauce to bring it all together. This wonderful concoction consisted of:

whole wheat pasta
broccolette (amazing, amazing vegetable - tastes like a cross b/w broccoli and brussels sprouts!)
salmon w/yummy spice rub from israel
balsamic vinegar glaze: poured swigs of balsamic vinegar in small sauce pot and simmered for roughly 20 minutes, reducing it by over half and creating a sweet/tangy delicious glaze to drizzle over the dish.

Now off to grill a bunch of chicken and steam some cabbage for the next few days...

Recipe Redux: 100% Whole-Wheat Bread

2010-06-13T07:09:00.000-07:00

"Pro Tip" (heehee): bread making is not hard! all it requires is precision, a good timer and an adventurous spirit.

100% Whole-Wheat Bread

(from CRUST AND CRUMB by Peter Reinhart - a great book for serious bakers)

So first you make a sponge (sometimes called a poolish, which is a pre-ferment method). Reinhart suggests medium-grind whole-wheat flour rather than fine-grind and I agree! More interesting texture that way (you can also use a blend of fine and medium). What I like about this recipe is that the sponge only ferments for 4 hours or so (so you can decide to bake bread within 1 day, rather than have to plan ahead and make your sponge the night before, like some other formulas).

The sponge!

8 oz medium-grind whole wheat flour

1 tsp instant yeast

1 cup cool water (65-70 deg F, but go by your senses - you don't want it cold, but also not warm. cool!)

Stir together the sponge ingredients in mixing bowl til flour is absorbed and the mixture forms a thick paste. You can cover the bowl with plastic wrap, but my preferred method is to put it in a plastic bag which is loosely tied closed above the bowl.

Let the sponge ferment at room temp for ~4 hours. It should rise and then fall (but don't worry too much about the falling part, as it will fall when you mix it into the dough).

Next: The dough!

Combine all the following ingredients, plus the sponge, in a mixing bowl or in the bowl of an electric mixer w/a dough hook.

4 oz med-grind whole-wheat flour
3/4 tsp salt (bread baking does require salt, but only small amounts!)
1/2 tsp instant yeast
1 1/2 Tbsp honey
2 Tbsp raisin juice concentrate - what?! i know. now, this is what makes this recipe A)very PCP friendly, and B)totally creative and awesome. To get raisin juice concentrate soak 1 c. raisins in 2 c. water for an hour. then drain and reduce the water over high heat until it's syrup-y. The juice is a great natural sweetener and perfect food for yeast! Another bonus: I didn't have raisins, so I used some dried sweetened cranberries that I had in my cupboard. Not ideal, since they were sweetened, but regular cranberries aren't sweet enough to be a good substitute. Anyway, they still didn't give off quite as much sugar, so I pulverized them in the food processor and then reduced the puree. Worked like a charm. Also: the juice keeps for months in the fridge, so you can use again for your next loaf!
6 Tbsp cooked brown rice (if you're at the tail end of a week of brown rice carbs, grab the final 6 Tbsp and make this bread!)
The SPONGE

Ok, so now you have all of that in your bowl of choice. If making by hand (which will give you a great arm workout!), knead for about 15 min; if by machine, 1 min on slow speed and 10 or so on medium speed. The dough should be soft and elastic, tacky but not super sticky.

Next: put dough in a clean bowl, cover with plastic bag or wrap and let it rise at room temp for 90 min, or until about doubled in size.

Grease your loaf pan! (4 by 8.5" or 5x9" work, use a saved butter wrapper to lightly grease the pan)

Turn out the dough onto a lightly floured surface and just GENTLY form it into an oblong shape, with any seams side-down. Don't strong-arm it here, as you want it to keep the good air bubbles it's developed.

Place in the dough pan and make sure it fills from one end to the other. Mist the top lightly with cooking spray or, what i do: dip a pastry brush in the smallest amt of olive oil and brush over the top.

Put loaf pan of dough into that trusty plastic bag again (really, use the bag! forget the plastic wrap!) and let it do a final rise. This rise is the one you need to watch every 20min or so. You want the dough to crest over the pan, but not so much that it's mushrooming over like crazy. It took 60 min for my loaf yesterday, but this stuff all depends on heat and humidity and whatnot, so may take longer.

Position oven rack in the second-to-bottom rung of the oven and preheat to 350F. Almost time to bake!

Finally, place the loaf in the center of the rack and bake 20 min. Turn it front to back for equal browning, and bake for 25 to 35 min more. I like to go on sight and feel to tell if bread is done, but I think you learn that over time. So, the best way is to get a meat thermometer and stick that puppy in your bread after 25min. Internal temp should be about 185F if done.

Finally, take her out!

Flip the dough out of the pan and let it cool on a cooling rack for at least 90 minutes before you slice. This is the point at which I have to leave the house because the smell is too tempting and I have trouble waiting to slice.

voila! homemade bread! you can totally do it.

(Final tip: the best way to learn about baking bread is to try try try and try again. It's one of those things that I find best learned by trial and error. You start to get a feel for what's going to happen based on the temperature and conditions in your apt and outside, and that becomes a very fun 6th sense, in a way. Also, don't be daunted by all the rising time! While making this recipe I did a grocery run, I met friends at a bar to watch part of the world cup, I vacuumed and I did my PCP workout. The only requirement is that you stay somewhat close to home so you can check in for the next step in the process.)

Happy baking, everyone!

Day 13, wow

2010-06-13T06:37:00.000-07:00

The workout tried to school me and I tried to school it right back!

After Patrick's last email I reflected on how I do sometimes take 2 or 3 seconds mid-set if it's getting "too hard". No more! Never again! I want these muscles to grow, not waver on the edge of being awesome.

So I got up an hour or so ago and jumped right in (literally!) to today's challenge. On sets where I'd start to feel the burn and usually take a breather, I pushed thru AND added 2 or 3 more reps on the end just to show myself that I was being a wimp and that i can do it.

It felt good! And I'm looking forward to 800 jumps tomorrow. I'm still tripping up a lot on the jumping. sometimes i can do 50 or 60 or even the other day i think i did 100 without tripping but then i'll trip every 15 or something ridiculous. Trying not to get frustrated about it though...

p.s. about to post whole wheat bread recipe - it turned out to be a great loaf!

Homemade bread!

2010-06-12T14:25:00.000-07:00

100% whole wheat; new recipe - if it's tasty I'll post the full recipe in case anyone else feels so inclined...

Day 12, Observation roundup!

2010-06-12T09:19:00.000-07:00

Happy Saturday in PCP land (and beyond)!

I hope you're all enjoying the day. I've had a great morning so far - did I mention I'm deeply in love with my apartment? It's borderline weird, I know, but before I moved into my first very own 1 bedroom I lived with a crazy/scary roommate and I had a not-great boyfriend. Got rid of both right around the time of the move and I've been basking in my independent glory ever since. Part of why I love PCP is that it gives me more time alone in my place and lets me have a nice morning routine before work (as opposed to when I'd wake up, rush to the gym to swim, and head straight to work from there).

Anyway, a few things going on out here in Brooklyn.

1 - I had my first PCP nightmare (after getting a glorious 9.5 hours of sleep, btw)! It felt so real that I woke up with that all-too-familiar feeling of disappointment and self-loathing from indulging too much the night before. Thankfully I soon realized that I hadn't actually done so! The dream was intense - it involved an old boyfriend, a 4-star restaurant, and a bridal shower (not mine). In the dream these factors all added up to me having wine and fancy cocktails, gougeres (yummm), little amuse bouches by the dozen, and some fancy french fries. YIKES! I'll be staying away from said old boyfriend, restaurant, and no bridal showers happening this summer so all clear on that front.

Oh - this one's for Deborah: I also had another dream where I directed Meryl Streep in a movie! It was glorious, and she was SO pretty and wonderful.

2 - I'm making bread! Right now I'm waiting for the sponge to ferment a bit more, but i'll post pictures of the final loaf later on. I found a great recipe for 100% whole wheat bread so I'm trying it out. Bread making is one of my favorite hobbies (and much cheaper than buying bread in the store!). I haven't had bread yet on the PCP (brown rice was my carb this week) so I'm excited, especially because I love having toast, avocado and poached eggs for breakfast! That was my breakfast pre-PCP, though with the addition of prosciutto and grated cheese, mmmmm.

3 - I was feeling a little sluggish before doing the workout this morning so i decided to try some clothes on for motivation. great motivation! I already fit much better into a couple pairs of pants that I couldn't really wear on day 1, so that's cool. I have 2 pairs of jeans that i've lugged around for 6 years - SIX YEARS - that i've never fit into. I still don't fit into them, but I certainly hope to during the PCP, so i tried those on to see just how far I am from that goal. Maybe a month? I will most definitely post a picture of me in said pants when they fit. I'll probably sleep in them I'll be so happy!

Ok, update coming later with bread pic.

sooooo sleeeeeppyyyyyyy

2010-06-11T20:00:00.000-07:00

This sums it up:

It sounds like a few others of our group are also experiencing some unusual exhaustion this week. Every night this week I started to crash around 10pm. 10pm! This from a lady who was routinely staying up until 12am or 1am! The interesting thing is that usually I'm golden with 7.5 or 8 hours of sleep. That has been the sweet spot for years now. But this week, exhausted by 10pm, asleep before 11pm, 8 hours later: awake and still not completely rested!

I guess those muscle fibers are working hard!

My plan: serious shut-eye this weekend, and then starting Monday I'm going to plan for 9 hours of sleep and see what happens. Can you imagine getting 9 hours of sleep on normal nights?! Not completely feasible for me, all the time, since I have many evening meetings, but I'm going to aim for it at the very least.

Poll: how much sleep do you A)want to get? B)usually get?

ok, beddy bye.

Hello [hot] body; is that you, hiding under there?

2010-06-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

And so begins the self-obsession...

Yesterday and today were the first days when I started to feel a noteworthy physical change.

Goodbye bloat! We won't miss you! Go pick on someone else! Take Salt with you, he's the gateway drug!

I mean, maybe I have lost a few 'real' pounds, but mostly I feel like the puffiness has officially left the building (lock the doors! quick!). Sure, there's still some squishy-ness, but that's what we're here to address, no? It's nice to have the bloat out of the way so that I can see and feel what I'm really dealing with.

Also, noteworthy aside: it feels so much better to marvel at one's body and strength than it does to berate it. This is something I need to internalize for the long haul.

And in other news, I'm not hungry! NOT hungry! Dare I say full? I dare!

Because of the curve ball fact that I bicycle around NYC for transportation rather than take the train, bus or--gasp!--a car, Patrick and Chen recalculated my diet to factor that daily activity in. It's not an enormous change, but I think it's going to help. We'll see - tomorrow will be the first full day with the new allotments so it will be an interesting experiment (I bumped up to the new plan mid-day today).

Now time for a PCP team love note:

I never would have guessed, 2 measly weeks ago, that 6 people who I've never met and who are scattered all over the globe, would become so important to me. 10 days in and I'm already waxing poetic and thinking about PCP reunions and visits in years to come. What a sap! But for serious, you peeps are rad.

and finally: i'm out of protein! or, rather, i'm out after lunch tomorrow!

my plan is to buy a can of tuna in water, mash it with avocado and squirt lemon juice on it. Then this weekend I'm going to do some culinary planning and try to think of actual recipes I can make, rather than focus on preparing each individual component of the meal. Will report back on what I come up with!

Reclaim the vibe!

2010-06-09T18:26:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I kind of freaked out about being hungry today. I imagined everyone else, moaning with fullness, rubbing their full (but still shrinking) bellies on one side of the see-saw, and me with my frazzled state of hunger on the other.

But then you wonderful PCPers came out of your world corners and reassured me that I'm not missing some big thing, or doing anything wrong. And Patrick assures me that they're thinking about what to do with my diet, which made me feel such...relief. Normally when I try to boost my health I inevitably reach a point where I'm not sure what to do. Run a million miles? Don't eat carbs? Swim more? Increase fiber? Go to a boot camp class? Something else?!

It was so nice to know that Patrick and Chen are going to help me figure this out, for the next 80 days. It's as if I'm in the boxing ring and I have the best two dudes in my corner - one fixing my wounds, the other keeping my head in the game.

LOVE IT.

So, I'm reclaiming the trust-PCP vibe and trying to let go a little more here.

That bowl of peaches, blueberries and grapes I just snarfed really helped too. :-)

Ummm, still hungry...!

2010-06-09T14:58:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else hungry? I'm so envious of you who are so full with your diets!

I am resisting the urge to get really whiney, but man, I don't deal well with the feeling of hunger; it makes me grumpy and tired and irritable! It's when those hilariously irrational "I hate everything about my life!" thoughts come out (luckily I've learned to let those pass by and I do take some entertainment from how nuts they can be; examples: "It's time to move to Montana and work on a farm." or, "Maybe I should just open my own bakery.").

Maybe my body just needs a few more days to get used to not eating whenever and whatever I want? With all the beer and the bites of snacks during the days pre-PCP maybe I still haven't adjusted to what a normal diet should be like? Perhaps. oh how i want to feel full like the rest of you!!

Today I didn't even ride my bike to work and still, the hunger persists. So, I had another unlawful experience: 1 banana and a handful of grapes when I got home from work. I was starting to feel faint! I'm waiting 20 min to see if it kicks in and makes me feel a little better. If not then I'm going to have 100ml of milk.

Whine whine whine.

Week 2 begins!

2010-06-08T17:22:00.001-07:00

Phew! I am wiped out!

Here's how day 8 (or, day 1 of the true PCP life) went:

6:30am, up before the 7am alarm! Tried to keep resting, but too antsy to get going so I did my stretching and donned some spandex (woot woot!). Picture time! yikes. Weigh-in time! Wha?

I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it, but i lost 4 pounds this past week. That's how much I was eating and drinking BEFORE. Yech.

7am, workout time! I loved the longer, more intense workout! The jumps went well - did about 200 without tripping up and then i tripped like a bazillion times after that. Stayed zen though.

On the strength sets almost all were nearly impossible at the end, but I pushed thru. That felt great! For the incline pull-ups i rigged this crazy thing where I was up on my normal pull up bar with legs on a chair that I wedged against my toilet. It was weird, and I had a little laughing fit in the beginning. It's times like that when I do wish I had a roommate or a boyfriend or some kind of witness. There is a daddy longlegs walking around - maybe he caught a glimpse of the action.

7:30am, FOOOOD PREEEEPPPPP! Yowza! I'm someone who cooks a lot, and what happened next was a little intense, even for me. I roasted cauliflower and asparagus, I made the dough for Helen's chapati bread, I pan-grilled two swordfish steaks, I poached an egg, I weighed out fruit for the day, I weighed out yogurt (hadn't picked up milk yet). oh, and I made coffee mmmmmm.

C'est d'accord, no?

I decided to use the poached egg yolk to add a sauce-like element over the cauliflower and asparagus. It worked well - highly suggested! Plus, poaching an egg is not only my favorite way to enjoy eggs, but also requires no oil.

Somehow I got showered and dressed and packed all my silly little containers and rolled into the city somewhat on time. But, I left this impressive path of destruction to deal with later:

So, breakfast was definitely more than I'm used to eating at that time. It was filling, and I was so happy to not be hungry after last week (when I was hungry almost the entire time, hence the ridiculous 4 pound weight loss).

I had a kiwi for my first snack - YUM!

Then, lunch was a repeat of brekky but with swordfish instead of the egg. Also YUM - i did a really nice spice rub on the swordfish, i think it was cinnamon and paprika and some pepper. delish!

Eventually, yogurt for "afternoon tea" (which I think is a very cute title for our second snack of the day).

But then I have to admit something. I got hungry. I got hungry around 5pm and I had to wait to leave work, ride alllll the way home, and figure out what to do for dindin. With all this talk of how much food we'd be eating, I was surprised to be hungry, but there you have it.

Now, I didn't let the hunger over take my urge to do yet more cooking. Pots and pans triumph!

I cleaned up the chaos and got started on making another round of it. On deck for dinner: swordfish steak again (already made in the morning), but on a bed of sauteed onions and peppers (yellow, orange, green and 1 bonus jalapeno!). I was able to saute w/out more than a drop of oil b/c I got the onions sweating. That was clutch.

Here's a dinner shot:

I panicked a little bit, because I was really really hungry and it just didn't look like much. But I guess it was okay. I still don't feel as full as after breakfast, but I'm noshing on blueberries so hopefully that will help.

(I even checked my scale with a packaged item to see if it was weighing things correctly!)

I assume it'll take a few days to get used to the eating, but I'm a little scared of cutting portions from this, admittedly. Maybe it's the bicycling that I do, that's making me a little more hungry? I bike 15 miles roundtrip for my commute, but I go fairly slow (gotta take in the sights!). If i have meetings I will bike to those, so I would say avg 1 hour - 1.5 hours of bicycling each day.

Hmmm. Could also be that I didn't eat the most filling versions of fruit/veg/protein/carbs today. Tomorrow I'll mix it up and try rice or pasta to see if that makes a difference.

Well anyway, I'm super pleased about making it thru the day and getting ahead of the food a little. I have enough veggies made now to last me thru Friday, I think, but I've got to saute up this ground turkey meat I have tomorrow. I'll come up with some good spicy action on that one and throw it in w/the peppers and onions.

P.S. I ate 3 unlawful grapes right when I arrived home! There, I said it. I feel fine about it.

...and I say HELLO!

2010-06-07T09:49:00.000-07:00

Part II: kick-starting the PCP, armed with tools for success!

Why hello, dear pots and pans! Hope you're all rested up for some grilling, roasting and, most of all, steaming!

Vinegars, we're close, but we're about to become closer. Are you ready? I am!

To my lovely spice collection: thank you for being fresh, interesting and salt-free! I'll be visiting with you often.

Bonjour, kitchen scale. I don't know you very well, but I already like you because you're small.

et voila! The essential tools for success!

Dear sweet, ripe fruit and crunchy, earthy veggies: I'm gonna eat you up!

PCP team, let's ROCK THIS!

You say goodbye...

2010-06-07T09:08:00.000-07:00

Part I: A tribute to pre-PCP life in my kitchen...

Goodbye, liquor cabinet;

happy age-ing, expensive red wine;

I'll see you on the flip side, veuve clicquot;

our time will come again, someday, Barros Porto.

Don't wait up for me, Ice Cream Maker;

Sit tight, muffin pans;

Have a nice summer, cake plate.

(cuisinart, ignore this message - I'll see you very soon!)

Oh Kitchen Aid...

This goodbye is the hardest,

but we'll only part temporarily!

And after all, I love you not only for your superb mixing skills,

but for your promise of multi-generational existence.

You'll wait for me, of that I'm sure.

Dear cabinet-o-baking-supplies,

I'm sorry to say that you will be crowded for at least 3 more months. Please try to stay fresh, so I can use you in the fall!

Like grains of salt in the baking cabinet,

so will sit the rolling pin and cake pans.

Salt -

Our love affair has been intense, and long-term.

I hope you'll understand when I don't touch you for 90 days, but you may be with me for the rest of my life, since I hope to use you oh-so-sparingly forevermore.

From truffle to olive, grocery shelf variety to fancy schmancy, I wave goodbye to you, oil (and balsamic fig delicious sauce stuff too) and quickly shove you into the cupboard for fear of going back on my word.

Cheese boards, cheese knives, you light up my life.

Please stay well-seasoned and beautiful.

I will definitely be back for you, but perhaps our visits will be a bit less indulgent, a bit less frequent.

P.S. I'll miss you the most.

To all my past loves, I'll quote Naoko and Samantha Jones when I say, "I love me more."

Question: shoes

2010-06-07T07:15:00.000-07:00

Question for all of you out there:

what are the best shoes for our PCP workouts? I only have running shoes, and while they are cushioned I don't think they're right for jumping or the strength training. I saw on Mikhael's blog post that he ordered some converse. Any suggestions for a good shoe to get for this stuff?

Thanks!

Day 7, sore!

2010-06-07T05:56:00.000-07:00

Yaaay! I finally woke up with some real soreness this morning - it's around my torso, just below my armpits. lats? the push-ups felt harder yesterday, so that must be the cause. Love it!

Today I'm lounging around in pajamas for the morning after yesterday's hard work day. I'll jump in the afternoon, which will be nice because I'll be warmed up a bit more than normal. Otherwise, I plan to spend the day putzing in my apartment, reading in the park and meeting up with a few friends. I haven't decided what to eat yet for the final half-day, but I know I'll have a scoop of ice cream tonight.

More later!

Day 6, big work event=challenge!

2010-06-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

Today was a crazy day for me. It was our second big event of the year at the organization where I work, and the first during PCP so I was nervous to see how it would go. Today's event was the "Tour de Brooklyn" which is a big bike tour we do around the borough of Brooklyn (http://tourdebrooklyn.org if you're curious).

Anyway, I manage the volunteer program at the organization where I work so I'm on deck, big time, for these events. They are mostly staffed by volunteers (150 or so at this one, 500 at our biggest event in September) and I have to be majorly "on" and energetic and calm and in control of things.

Event days like this are LONG. Work starts around 5:30am with me furiously riding my bike to wherever I'm supposed to be, then I delegate, problem solve, manage people like crazy, lift heavy things, run around, etc... Usually this ends 10-12 hours later with all our staff going out to drink many, many beers and eat tons of food. We're thirsty and hungry and exhausted and in need of some kind of celebration and collective pat on the back.

So, while I have been doing the half diet pretty well and not changing what I eat too much (but sticking to the half portions), one thing that I cut out, cold turkey, on day #1 was alcohol. I just didn't want to drink alcohol anymore, even in pre-PCP week, so I haven't had any all week (which is pretty huge considering I can't remember a day before PCP when I didn't have at least one beer!!!). Anyway, today's event was prime beer-craving situation, so I knew it would be a challenge.

Here's how it went down:

I practically jumped out of bed at 5am, feeling surprisingly awake (i'd gone to bed around midnight), and I did our PCP workout! I know this makes me a little crazy, but I knew how exhausted i'd be when I finally got home after the tour, and how much I'd just want to take a shower and not exert myself anymore, so I did the right thing and got that workout finished by 5:15am! (Man I am loving the jumps, p.s.!!!) Then after the furious bike ride to the start and some crazy time as things got going I realized I felt surprisingly good - I felt more truly energetic than at past events (I can pull it out of thin air for this kind of thing, but it was nice to have real energy rather than run on fumes). Anyway, the event was great and when it's great I actually have a lot of fun. I love volunteers (even the crazy ones) on all days, but especially days like today when we rely on them so much and they follow thru with such pure enthusiasm.

Anyway! Fast forward to the beer/food challenge... it was fine! I was so thirsty I only wanted water anyway, so I kept having that, and while I would've loved some ice cold hop-y deliciousness, I didn't crave the taste in any physical way. So that was cool! And finally, even though it was a super social situation and there was lots of hanging out and just talking and telling funny stories and whatnot, I did fine without the little alcohol boost. I think I knew that I'd do fine, but I kind of didn't really know, because it's become such a standard thing to have a drink or two when I'm out with people in that way.

I also had super tasty pickled beets and some wonderful cheese. Then, a very light grilled veggie sandwich and more cheese. It was a medium sized meal but it was my lunch and dinner rolled into one so I'm pleased with it. Plus, considering that normally I would've had twice the calories with the amount of beer I would've drank, I still passed the half test. :-)

And when I got home I was so thankful that I'd done the workout earlier. I was covered in bike grease, my sweat, volunteer sweat, nyc street dirt and god knows what else. It felt great to just get in the shower right away and look forward to reading everyone else's posts for the day. I had 3 little pieces of chocolate while doing that, and some tea while writing this. I can't believe I was so healthy on this of all days - last year tour de brooklyn day I think I had 2 bagels, a few cliff bars (they are a sponsor so we have them all over the place), 1 beer, 1 bottle of wine and a huge meal. At the end of that day I was in tears and felt disgusting. At the end of today I find myself peacefully exhausted. Off to bed now, m'lovies*!

*quoting Jenny's cute term of endearment here

Day 5 foodstuffs

2010-06-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

breakfast: 1/2 c. fat free greek yogurt (TASTY!), small handful blueberries, 1/4 c. fiber one cereal, 1 tsp honey, 3 strawberries

snack: 1/2 c. gazpacho

lunch: woahhh nellie. so, every year my sister's high school has this big fundraiser where they get restaurants from the area (an area with great restaurants!) to cook and they sell tickets so that you can go around and get tastes (the fundraiser is called Tastes). So today was this event, and I did pretty well! i had about 2/3 of what i had in past years, and I definitely still had too much but I didn't feel like I was torturing myself so that was good. Plus, I've been being very strict about the halfsies this week so I wanted to let myself enjoy this event with moderation but not too much. To give you some visuals:

This is my sister, who did not want her picture taken (she is 17 years old and very cool).

Slider! You'll be happy to know that even though the slider

was the size of my big toe (which, admittedly, is large), she and I split it and the fries too.

Mmmm, chicken liver pate with onion marmalade.

My GOD this was delicious, and worth every bite, i have to say.

So, I feel pretty good actually. I was full for the first time in 5 days, which didn't exactly feel good, but it was a great final nyc foodie outing before we get to the super strict pcp in a couple days here. For dinner I had a bowl of my tomatillo soup, which basically only has peppers in it, so it balanced out the heavy lunch pretty well.

Day 5, first Saturday during PCP

2010-06-05T06:24:00.000-07:00

Good morning PCP warrior team!

Now that it's humid and 80 degrees here, I've started treating myself to this delicacy after my PCP workout:

My morning coffee routine makes me SO happy, and luckily I've always had coffee black, so I don't have to cut out any part of this routine (I am trying to drink a bit less coffee overall, but I'm fine with that). Why New Yorkers spend $4 for one measly cup of iced coffee is beyond me. Today's batch was also particularly good because I opened a bag of super tasty coffee beans that my friend brought me from Seattle (thank you Talia!).

Was very happy to add more sets and up the jumps to 350 today. Also, I got my push up bars yesterday and they are AWESOME! Admittedly, I haven't been very sore, but I feel a great glow-y energy about my muscles and body lately so I'm enjoying that (knowing that soreness will come soon enough). Also, worth noting: after 5 days of no alcohol I feel amazingly alert, energetic and I've been sleeping VERY well.

Ok, off to have a fun day with family and friends. Oh, in the spirit of my fellow warriors, I also am going to see the SATC movie later today, haha! It's funny that we're all going this week.

Day 4

2010-06-04T19:03:00.000-07:00

There is a funny thing happening with me and the workouts. It's the reaction I'm having to the schedule and I'm really getting a kick out of it because it's already revealing how wrong I was going about things, pre-PCP.

By way of explanation, here's what I was doing "before":

My plan was this: 2x/week AM swim workout, 1x/week PM pilates, 3x/week AM run (hills/speed/long - those were the 3 target runs each week)

Sometimes I'd have a 4-6 week stretch where I'd actually accomplish all that!

Though of course I was also completely exhausted, fairly grumpy, and eating a lot. Like on this day:

Usually I would follow the plan half-way, as in 1 swim/week, 1 pilates session, and 2 runs. But that seemed to slowly descend into less and less and then suddenly i've gone 2 weeks without doing a thing, and feeling guilty the whole time but I'd also enjoy having the mornings to putz around my apartment and start the day at home more.

So the funny thing that's happening is two-fold. One, I'm feeling guilty because I'm only doing 15 minutes of designated workout each day (in comparison with my old lofty plans). Two, my body and mind both seem confused and a little startled that I have gotten up 4 days in a row and worked out but don't feel exhausted the way I would with the old plan.

I like it! I'm shaking up my routine, and this way I'm still getting the at-home morning time that I cherish (I have a strong love affair happening with my apartment). And, now i get to enjoy it guilt-free!

and then there's the energy issue. I think I was just totally wearing myself down before! This morning as I rode over the Manhattan Bridge I actually had that childhood urge to race over the bridge just for the hell of it. !!! that is nuts, because usually I amble up and over like an ant on wheels (pink wheels, mind you). It felt fun, and I was really happy. Part of this is also due to the fact that I focused on getting as close to 8 hours of sleep each night this week as possible. That's one of my secondary PCP goals, I've decided.

Today's foodstuffs

Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs with a spoonful of adobo sauce (YUM)

Second breakfast: plate of watermelon, pineapple, cherries, 1/2 bagel w/cream cheese (can you tell this was at a work meeting?)

Lunch: 1/2 turkey/avocado/watercress sandwich, banana

Snack: 1/2 of tiny slice of ice cream cake, 1/2 dried fig

Dinner: other half of lunch sandwich, 1 cup gazpacho (YUM), pint of strawberries, a few blueberries, 1 piece chocolate

Day 3, first "ah-ha!" moment

2010-06-03T18:30:00.000-07:00

I just read Patrick's email (technically it's tomorrow's email), and i think i sat at the computer--mouth agape--for a solid 20 seconds after reading it.

So true!!

Ah hah!!

of course!!

this is why my marathon training never resulted in drastic changes to my body weight or strength!

this is why i have always been 'trying' to get in peak condition, with the result being: wearing myself out, then taking weeks off because of injury or burn-out, then starting from scratch again (usually with a few MORE pounds to deal with).

Ok, so eventually i closed my mouth (after having another big spoonful of soup since i'm so fracking hungry!.) and tried to get a grip. Obviously I've heard the whole low-intensity burns fat schpeal before. most of us probably have. but somehow I never really believed it. I always associated it with the high-carb, low-fat craze of the 80's or something - I guess because i never had concrete evidence showing me that it worked, and instinctively it seems like training for a marathon will get me in better shape than things that seem "easier".

but I was wrong, and now i'm sure of it and i'd bet a wad of cash on the fact that in 90 days i'll be swearing up and down that this is the REAL way to change your body.

Man!

i'm still marveling, so in meantime here's the food list for today:

Breakfast: 1 egg, 4 mini ikea meatballs (almost finished with them!), a few bites of very burnt cracker :-(

Snack: 1/2 banana, 1 apple, 1 date, 1 kavli cracker w/PB

Lunch: second half of yesterday's turkey and cheese sandwich, handful grapes, 1 apple

Snack: 1/2 avocado, 1 orange, 1 dried fig, 2 dried papaya slices

Work celebration thing: 1/2 cupcake! this is a real win!

Dinner: tomatillo soup, remaining 4 ikea mini meatballs (thank god they're gone, they aren't even good!), 2 little squares chocolate

Really, really hungry today. But it was good, I just let the hunger kind of exist, and not make me crazy or rule my world the way I sometimes act like it does.

fail!

2010-06-03T05:38:00.000-07:00

Evidence that I should not try to use the oven before I've had coffee in the morning:

This was going to be an "everything cracker" to go along with my egg and ikea meatballs for breakfast. Admittedly, I broke it apart and ate the less burnt parts because I was so hungry!

more later!

Day 2, phew!

2010-06-02T15:31:00.000-07:00

Another successful day!

Woke up today to some slightly sore legs from yesterday's jumps and squats - good feeling!

I have to say, while the workouts aren't taking very long (less than 15 minutes), they are not just a breeze. Tara got it right when she said that the exercises require effort. Even now when we're not crying from the effort, we're putting forth effort, and that's an important daily habit to get used to. Jumping rope was a challenge again today - first set i whacked myself in the face after only 11 jumps! i still don't know how it happened. But i did the second set of 50 without any snafus, so that was cool. I think I may have done a bonus set by accident - need to figure out how to count better. Oh, and I did all the jumping to BAD ROMANCE by Lady Gaga. I'm going to need to start collecting some badass jump songs.

In other news, I just ate this:

This is a whole wheat mini-pizza crust! I made the dough a few weeks ago and put in the freezer. Tonight I was feeling very hungry - I had 2 meetings around town today and the bicycling tired me out. I wanted some kind of carb item, but didn't want to go buy any processed stuff.

So I used the pizza dough to make a big cracker!

I did sprinkle salt on it... but not much!

It was delicious and simple, and I feel less shaky so I think it was the right thing to eat. I have another dough ball, and some leftover everything bagel crumbs, so i think i'm going to make an "everything cracker" this weekend. so exciting...

Day 2 Food List (this list's for you, Royce!):

Breakfast: ½ poached egg (I felt so silly cutting it in half!), 4 mini ikea meatballs (I know this is weird, but I need to finish the meatballs before pcp begins because I don’t want them in my freezer for 3 months! Plus, they’re so salty I have a feeling I won’t be able to stand them after the pcp), ½ cup watermelon

Snack: 1 piece kavli cracker thing w/1 tbsp peanut butter

Lunch: ½ turkey sandwich w/cheese, 1 cup grapes, ½ banana, 1/3 pickle

Snack: ½ banana, 3 pieces of dried papaya, 1 date

Dinner: miso soup (i know, the sodium content is probably bad!), the big cracker (it was thin!), 2 small pieces chocolate, 100 cups water (or maybe 4).

PCP, Day 1!

2010-06-01T04:56:00.001-07:00

The adventure begins!

In short: day 1 was a great start! i enjoyed the workout and i found that eating half of what i'd normally eat was more of a mental problem than physical. oddly enough I wasn't hungry, but I was kind of panic-y about eating less, which shows how much extraneous eating I've probably been doing lately...

I can't wait to go read everyone else's day 1 posts and see how this superteam is doing!

Long version: I got up and did the PCP workout first thing (and thankfully my toe seems to be almost completely healed now). The jumps went better than I thought they would. I got thru 36 in the first set before i tripped up on the rope, so I was pretty happy about that. I can see that the jumping is going to get very meditative for me. I loved the way it was rhythmic and the gentle tapping of the rope on the floor was nice. I did get out of breath though! That was hard! And I was sweating a ton (though that's not a new phenomenon, unfortunately)! I can't believe we're going to jump 500 in a row by the end of this week - that's going to be a cool achievement in and of itself.

Overall the workout went by quickly - it took me between 10 and 15 minutes, which did seem pretty easy...but I'm going to enjoy the easy days, as Patrick advised!

In other news, today kind of negated yesterday's post. My coworkers and friends were all very supportive when I sent around the link (it seems to help if i just let people read thru the website and the blogs to figure out what PCP is; makes sense, since that's what i did originally), so maybe I won't feel as alienated as I feared. I think the trick will be to NOT take the easy way out and become a social hermit as I shun alcohol and non-PCP food, and instead find ways to participate without, er, participating. basically, I don't want to be one of these:

(I googled "cranky hermit" and this is what I found!)

Ok, so I'm going to imitate one of my favorite "COMPLETE" PCPers, Heather Lin, and list my foodstuffs of the day. When I read Heather's blog entries I found some kind of poetry to her lists of daily menus. Not sure if I'll be able to keep it up all the time, but i'm going to try to have a similar blog post format.

Day 1 Foods:

breakfast

½ everything bagel with butter (but only a little bit!)

1 egg with tiny bit of grated cheddar cheese

snax

½ pear

½ handful kumquats

½ mango

lunch

½ turkey sandwich w/chipotle mayo, watercress, cucumber, jack cheese, multigrain bread

½ handful kumquats

½ date (I was sad to throw the other half out!)

dinner

1 cup (or so) grapes

Second half of the turkey sandwich

snax

2 little pieces of mint chocolate bar

1 cup watermelon

Go team! Hope my fellow superheroes enjoyed your first days also. going to read everyone's posts now (been wondering about you people all day!)